tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34352198926217926602024-03-13T00:13:34.132+00:00Kate in the CountrysideKate Masonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05226390267847332135noreply@blogger.comBlogger63125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3435219892621792660.post-9877067555954943282012-08-28T08:48:00.001+01:002012-08-28T08:48:07.201+01:00The Greco-Roman Supporters Club<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; text-align: left;">My frenzied enthusiasm for London 2012 has been building </span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; text-align: left;">since that triumphant moment when <a href="http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/front_page/4655555.stm" target="_blank">we beat France</a> at Agincourt (<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Dt4jjS_dyA" target="_blank">sorry - at an IOC meeting in Singapore</a>). When the tickets were released a year ago I applied for every event I recognised, not to mention all the ones that looked authentically Olympian. This meant that Handball and <a href="http://www.telegraph.co.uk/sport/olympics/olympicsvideo/9466230/Team-GB-rider-Charlotte-Dujardin-celebrates-second-dressage-gold-London-2012-Olympics.html" target="_blank">horse dancing</a> were out, but Greco-Roman Wrestling was very definitely in. </span></b></div>
<div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/b/be/Schlacht_von_Azincourt.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="213" src="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/b/be/Schlacht_von_Azincourt.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">England v France</span></i></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br /></div>
<div class="p1" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">And it was with great pride that my three ticket-wielding chums and I alighted a cheery Sunday London Underground and headed out to the ExCel centre ('you have checked this is in London haven't you Kate?') for some Greco-Roman frolics. </span></div>
<div class="p2" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="p1" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">We'd agreed on <a href="http://video.about.com/entertaining/Make-a-Toga-Out-of-a-Sheet.htm" target="_blank">togas</a>. Yet when the strapping army officer chum we'll call Harvey arrived at the Pad holding little more than a stolen towel to fashion into attire, chances of fulfilling our self-imposed dress code seemed slim. We had two pins between us and my bed sheet was sceptical about its reincarnation as an item of clothing. It had just started raining.</span></div>
<div class="p2" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="p1" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">It was the weather that sharpened our resolve. We're British aren't we? Bad weather, arts and crafts and living in the past is what we do. By this stage the two of us were holding up proceedings so Harvey and I abandoned all pretences to modesty and trusted our luck to the safety pins. We went to rescue the third and fourth members of our Greco-Roman Supporters Club (GRSC3 and 4) from station and pub respectively. </span></div>
<div class="p2" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="p1" style="text-align: justify;">
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.nonstopparty.co.uk/images/_lib/union-jack-felt-top-hat-3006-0-1339067611000.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://www.nonstopparty.co.uk/images/_lib/union-jack-felt-top-hat-3006-0-1339067611000.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><i>Absurd</i></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">GRSC4 had adapted the Greco-Roman theme to include a fairground Union Jack hat, facepaint and a Union Jack for a cloak. He looked like a cross between Ronald McDonald and Count Dracula if they'd accidentally fallen into a BNP rally.</span></div>
<div class="p2" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="p1" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Over the wrestling itself, it is best if we draw a veil. Our ignorance - despite <a href="http://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=greco+roman+wrestling&oq=greco&gs_l=youtube.3.0.35i39j0l9.16103.17270.0.18637.6.6.0.0.0.0.136.442.5j1.6.0...0.0...1ac.hpI58nZ5bHE" target="_blank">much youtube research</a> - was total. There were some truly surprising moves that left us all perplexed that the <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Greco-Roman_wrestling" target="_blank">event had not come with a PG-13 warning</a>. There was a good bit when North Korea fought South Korea ('Who are we supporting?' 'Good Korea obviously') though we didn't quite catch the winner. There was a very small chap who cried when he lost, but the cheering that then followed him out of the building was as heart-warming as it was deserved. </span></div>
<div class="p2" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="p1" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I'm not going to rabbit on about the atmosphere like some Matt Baker lookalike, but the good-humour and enthusiasm of the crowd (despite the terror-inducing brutality before our eyes) was a sight to behold. Neighbours coveted our union jacks, though no Briton was represented that session. Others praised our costumes with un-British enthusiasm that turned out to be neither sarcastic nor fearful. </span></div>
<div class="p2" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="p1" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">At the end of the day, back on our Noble British Public Transport System, we wended our separate ways knowing that we'd been a part of something great. And if we'd never been quite sure who won, <a href="http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/0/olympics/18907001" target="_blank">over at Wimbledon Andy Murray was busily claiming his Gold</a>, so we (I) got the opportunity to blub with pride after all.</span></div>
</div>
Kate Masonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05226390267847332135noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3435219892621792660.post-86650898541115543562012-05-14T23:11:00.002+01:002012-05-14T23:16:13.093+01:00Jubilee Frenzee<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiaNbiQaU79e6qU8aY_T3MeB5rDpqr3ctf5zfzMRup-Uc7Jf3DUi9pc7ruulKhsOdpwnnQDalUUzL01lsCaN59cEc6Doc3kzR21D5tQu3E-rn1ksiv7FvGQnBFPvEAr5uAuXaLXh01S6IA/s1600/IMG_0046.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="193" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiaNbiQaU79e6qU8aY_T3MeB5rDpqr3ctf5zfzMRup-Uc7Jf3DUi9pc7ruulKhsOdpwnnQDalUUzL01lsCaN59cEc6Doc3kzR21D5tQu3E-rn1ksiv7FvGQnBFPvEAr5uAuXaLXh01S6IA/s200/IMG_0046.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Fig. 1</span></i></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">It was the Belligerently Optimistic Flatmate's birthday recently. Off galavanting in <a href="http://en.bab.la/dictionary/english-german/d%C3%BCsseldorf" target="_blank">Dusseldorf</a>, I could not be there, so I've been trying to make up for it with the provision of treats. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Happily, this doubles as an opportunity to cram the Pad with <a href="http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/Nl1/Newsroom/Features/DG_WP200687" target="_blank">Jubilee</a> baubles. I've been cultivating a bit of a habit. This means that if I see something with the Queen's face or <a href="http://www.violentlips.com/products/union-jack" target="_blank">a Union Jack on</a>, or (even better) some combination of the two, I buy it. Anyone in the UK at the moment</span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"> will recognise that, with three weeks until </span><a href="http://www.thamesdiamondjubileepageant.org/" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;" target="_blank">Flotilla Day</a><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">, this could lead to personal financial catastrophe. Shops are rammed with the stuff.</span><br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; text-align: justify;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJnKiWonLBWAtn70pYwZIitMXEIGJKTNViGU5ammF6wJXksqn8vMb0qHw_nRB7jTHAMnDtQlNvdYlbKliNhwEbnP8O2A1imXZG7moNeL5Pbd_eLHNnhs-ikQWd97Y_lXPHvMNPKLTeaIw/s1600/IMG_0040.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJnKiWonLBWAtn70pYwZIitMXEIGJKTNViGU5ammF6wJXksqn8vMb0qHw_nRB7jTHAMnDtQlNvdYlbKliNhwEbnP8O2A1imXZG7moNeL5Pbd_eLHNnhs-ikQWd97Y_lXPHvMNPKLTeaIw/s200/IMG_0040.JPG" width="149" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Fig. 2</span></i></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">And it started so well. Union Jack-flavoured Body Wash [<i>Fig. 2</i>] and Jubilee Marmite [<i>Fig. 3</i>] are - I'm sure you'll agree - perfectly useful items. Not to mention that there's a recession on: <a href="http://www.private-eye.co.uk/eyeplayer.php?media=229&issue=1299" target="_blank">it's our duty to spend ourselves to safety</a>. But how</span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; text-align: left;"> much shortbread can a small household of two realistically consume? Even if it does come in a tin with Grenadier Guards [<i>Fig. 1</i>] emblazoned upon it.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; text-align: left;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">BOF, as you might expect, is very much on board with the flag-fest. </span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">He's spent the past three weeks trying to instigate compulsory bunting on his desk at work, to no avail. It's almost as if his colleagues are becoming hostile to the whole event.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Such domestic support makes my themed oniomania even harder to restrain. It's also vicarious. We don't need to actually own the tat to take pleasure in it. Much better to force it on other people.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhsyjxPLROLym5gpDh09ScoVWBezKGGFSOd3LdEw7zn0F_IUGeZQ1F3cBMg2xqe_JAJ-WIwXt_BdV00K5UeIzNYNCAJLVhPnHyQqlD50YTSJafNBd4CHRQdahW4rGKwpPNGpdmOFFCK4Mw/s1600/Ma%2527amite.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhsyjxPLROLym5gpDh09ScoVWBezKGGFSOd3LdEw7zn0F_IUGeZQ1F3cBMg2xqe_JAJ-WIwXt_BdV00K5UeIzNYNCAJLVhPnHyQqlD50YTSJafNBd4CHRQdahW4rGKwpPNGpdmOFFCK4Mw/s200/Ma%2527amite.JPG" width="149" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><i>Fig. 3</i></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">It goes like this:</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">BOF: Do you know I saw the most amazing <a href="http://www.argos.co.uk/static/Product/partNumber/9011351.htm" target="_blank">Union Jack luggage</a> the other day.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">KITC: You should probably get it.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">BOF: Yes! No. I'm saving for school fees.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">KITC: (<i>downcast</i>) OK.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">BOF: Is there anyone we know with a birthday coming up?</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">KITC: No.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">BOF: My mum could probably do with some more <a href="http://www.johnlewis.com/230993581/Product.aspx" target="_blank">Union Jack crockery</a> - let's get that.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">KITC: And we'll need another Grenadier Guard tin to put it in. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">BOF: Good thinking.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
</div>
<div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">It was as I found myself, all </span><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wrSI3a1aebo" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;" target="_blank">Jubilee-Special-Carrie-Mathison</a>, <span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">being gently removed from the picnic section in Waitrose by a concerned BOF</span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">, grasping for <a href="http://www.thedrinksbusiness.com/2012/04/moet-unveils-diamond-jubilee-label/" target="_blank">'Royal' Moet</a> as I passed, that</span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"> I realised it's becoming a problem. There is just not enough money in the world or space in the Pad for this.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">But then - </span><a href="http://pieministerpies.wordpress.com/2012/05/08/jubilee-pie-and-a-street-party-to-boot/" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;" target="_blank">it'll all be over in 22 days</a><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">. <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S80SvZBmzOY&feature=youtu.be" target="_blank">Bring on the bunting.</a></span></div>
</div>
</div>Kate Masonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05226390267847332135noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3435219892621792660.post-7676818652019030052012-04-25T08:44:00.004+01:002012-04-25T20:14:06.215+01:00BOF and the Most Efficient Holiday<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><a href="http://kateinthecountryside.blogspot.co.uk/search/label/BOF" target="_blank">Belligerently Optimistic Flatmate</a> had a week off recently. He used it wisely, as a springboard for money-saving initiatives. I'm not sure if this is normal. Back at university, whole weeks could slip by without the achievement of a single task. Now that we're grownups, every hour not spent in useful activity is an hour wasted. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Case in point: last year, <a href="http://kateinthecountryside.blogspot.co.uk/2011/05/college-mascot.html" target="_blank">my friend Sam (Surprisingly A Mother) had a baby</a>. On the first day of maternity leave from her cut-throat shiny-happy job, she tweeted: 'So much free time! </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">What shall I do with myself?'</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.savewatersavemoney.co.uk/control/image/large/save-water-water-meter-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://www.savewatersavemoney.co.uk/control/image/large/save-water-water-meter-1.jpg" width="196" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Being green is sexy</span></i></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Oh Sam. How can this be? Was it so long ago that we were students applauding ourselves each time we produced a sentence? We spent <a href="http://www.topshop.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/CatalogNavigationSearchResultCmd?catalogId=33057&storeId=12556&langId=-1&viewAllFlag=false&categoryId=277560&interstitial=true&intcmpid=W_FOOTER_WK45_HP_UK_STUDENTS" target="_blank">whole weeks in Topshop</a>; <a href="http://www.facebook.com/" target="_blank">hours on Facebook</a>; days walking to and from the library <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lVmmYMwFj1I" target="_blank">in a nonchalant fashion</a>. Not to mention all that time playing quiz machine. The very act of tweeting bespeaks an unhealthily efficient attitude to social media. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small;">To return to BOF, now investigating insulation. The first step was the acquisition of meters. As I understand it, the council provides such things for free on request. Apparently, our saving on electricity may amount to almost a whole pound per month. The downside is </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small;">that the cold water no longer runs. How very <a href="http://www.jennyforlondon.org/" target="_blank">green</a>.</span></div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small;">But Project Efficiency did not end here. Next came the world's most thorough washing-up episode. Pans, spoons, unused tea-pots: nothing was forgotten. It was great. BOF even took the thin vases in hand (fret not money-saving mavens, the retail orgy* that produced them took place in IKEA). They are impossible to clean: but he did have a good go at getting a sponge stuck inside one with a wooden spoon.</span></div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small;">I should take some responsibility for the money-saving madness. I performed a devious act a few weeks back. I discovered the bargain that is <a href="http://www.dooyoo.co.uk/drinks/sainsbury-s-basics-teabags/" target="_blank">Sainsbury's own brand tea</a>. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small;"><br /></span><br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://louirose.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/03/monkey-cup-resize.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="193" src="http://louirose.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/03/monkey-cup-resize.jpeg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i>'Bring back the PG' begs BOF</i></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small;">27p! Eighty tea bags! Surely they couldn't be twelve times worse than your average PG Tip? </span></div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small;">They are. The <a href="http://sixpacktech.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/Dust_bunnies.jpg" target="_blank">tangy taste of dust</a> puts a real downer on your day. What I want to do is bin them. But we've renounced waste, so we muscle through. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small;">BOF thinks I haven't noticed that he has been surreptitiously buying new tea and adding it to the top of the 27p box. One day, we will stumble across our Basics Tea again, decomposed to compost at the bottom of the cupboard, a small tea tree growing from it. </span></div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small;">We shall use it for a window box! The greenest of city activities. Equilibrium restored.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small;"><br /></span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://www.bomagardencentre.co.uk/images/boma_garden_maintenance_window_boxes_patio_displays.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="147" src="http://www.bomagardencentre.co.uk/images/boma_garden_maintenance_window_boxes_patio_displays.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small;">*That will play havoc with my keyword search. I've already had 'horny cockroach' bring someone to the <a href="http://kateinthecountryside.blogspot.co.uk/" target="_blank">Kate in the Countryside</a> homepage this week. What a disappointment that must have been.</span></div>
</div>Kate Masonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05226390267847332135noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3435219892621792660.post-75214268287171368442012-04-10T22:38:00.003+01:002012-04-10T22:38:34.223+01:00Race Riot?<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Many of you expressed horror at last week's Kate in the Countryside, which saw KITC party to <a href="http://kateinthecountryside.blogspot.co.uk/2012/03/email-squash.html" target="_blank">the worst case of sporting sabotage this century</a>. Or so we thought. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-Uh74_UrvOmEctEPUjioTWQxg4SPEGDowVVx94JLcBcBKxR8vijfvWr1xoYBdg7_IoQB-IuKMN7cHg6svMPGXL_g5-H188hBvOhwPMVZIqcZT7o43pno8by2XuDu9yrSVVZto-T8m8XCt/s1600/lmfao.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="224" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-Uh74_UrvOmEctEPUjioTWQxg4SPEGDowVVx94JLcBcBKxR8vijfvWr1xoYBdg7_IoQB-IuKMN7cHg6svMPGXL_g5-H188hBvOhwPMVZIqcZT7o43pno8by2XuDu9yrSVVZto-T8m8XCt/s320/lmfao.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><i>Trenton, mate, if you want to be taken seriously...</i></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Then came Saturday: the day the world met </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Trenton Oldfiled. A self-proclaimed <a href="http://www.bbc.co.uk/schools/gcsebitesize/history/mwh/britain/votesforwomenrev_print.shtml" target="_blank">Suffragette of our times</a>, Trenton is</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"> man so committed to the fight against elitism that he ignores the elitist principles of spelling <a href="http://elitismleadstotyranny.squarespace.com/" target="_blank">even for his own name</a>.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"></span><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">It was 1pm and grey when I left the Pad for the river. In my cautiously worn Blues stash I fitted in perfectly with the baying braying crowd. The mood was obnoxious and cheerful. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"></span><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Oh who am I kidding? <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NcdQFmAXuAg&feature=related" target="_blank">I love the Boat Race</a>. In spite of the weather, the banks of the Thames were heaving with enthusiasts <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=az0MEs9OE9w" target="_blank">emboldened by Pimm's</a>. It was impossible to find anyone or to move. Cast up between a cake stall and the entrepreneurial burger table, I was in danger of accidentally buying a hot dog when my fellow spectators found me.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"></span><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">One, dressed in even more stash than I, had not worn a coat. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"></span><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">'You must be cold?' I asked.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">'No. I've got <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blue_(university_sport)" target="_blank">nine Blues</a>,' he explained.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"></span><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">We kept moving to avoid all the other awful people, and they, us. Soon, the two boats passed, Oxford just ahead.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"></span><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">'Oh God,' moaned Nine Blues, 'it's only just started. We've lost.'</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"></span><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">'Watching' the Boat Race by the Thames is a bit of a contradiction in terms. Though you are treated to a lot of atmosphere (read: tweed) you can't see much rowing. There's a good bit for about ten seconds when the boats pass near enough for you to work out which is which but, other than that, we'd had our allotted excitement. When the group in front of us were splashed by the convoy's wake and a girl dropped her drink it was already had one of the most eventful Boat Races I'd ever been to.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"></span><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">We wandered back down towards the start and its giant TV screen. We observed a pigeon. We wondered whether to have another lukewarm beer.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"></span><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">The drink-dropper seemed determined to liven things up: 'Hey look, <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=iYy4z2uky5M" target="_blank">there's a bloke in the water. Someone's fallen in!</a>' </span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">This seemed unlikely. Rowing is a simple sport.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">'It's a streaker!' I suggested optimistically.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">'It's a protest,' volunteered a radio-carrying gent who was passing.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Like I say, you can't see much at the Boat Race. We called a friend.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">'Some cretin jumped in. They're restarting the race,' he explained.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">We all agreed that the crews should have carried on and got him.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">'<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JmyOZbuW1h8" target="_blank">Would man's head have been chopped off or just gouged?</a>' Mother Dearest mused, via text.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">It was at that point we gave up on the live experience and headed to a pub. As for the #boatraceswimmer, we don't need to talk about him. That pratty little man and his God complex and his beard. And his imbecilic ranting. So we won't. You know the rest. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">But be warned Oldfeild: England is unhappy with you. And we won't miss again.</span></div>
</div>Kate Masonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05226390267847332135noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3435219892621792660.post-8854730875195419972012-03-17T00:51:00.002+00:002012-03-17T10:19:02.276+00:00Email Squash<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"></span><br />
<div style="font: normal normal normal 16px/normal 'Trebuchet MS'; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">It was with foreboding that I opened my email last week to find a message from a Sarah Loughton entitled 'Squash'. An innocuous title, you might think. Wrongly.</span></div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div style="font: normal normal normal 16px/normal 'Trebuchet MS'; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://assets.mediaspanonline.com/prod/5400472/4295614_w350.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="184" src="http://assets.mediaspanonline.com/prod/5400472/4295614_w350.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i>An in-joke I'm afraid. <br />Hint: moustache</i></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3JWTaaS7LdU" target="_blank">Keen followers of Kate in the Countryside</a> (all others please consult glossary <a href="http://kateinthecountryside.blogspot.com/2011/12/for-late-adopters-welcome.html" target="_blank">here</a>) will know of my enthusiasm for squash. These days, the only other fans of the game are aged gents. They played when <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jonah_Barrington_(squash_player)" target="_blank">Jonah Barrington (squash player)</a> was almost a celebrity and flares were in. Squash back then was a cool game, or so <a href="http://kateinthecountryside.blogspot.co.uk/search/label/DM" target="_blank">Daddy Mason</a> likes to tell me. But then he does have a moustache. </span></div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div style="font: normal normal normal 16px/normal Times; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 19px; text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">
<div style="font: normal normal normal 16px/normal 'Trebuchet MS'; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;">
Opportunities for squash games down at my local Pimlico gym are numerous. <a href="http://kateinthecountryside.blogspot.co.uk/2011/01/fight-club.html" target="_blank">Saturday's Fight Club</a>, where we tough things out on the squash court to make up for the indignities of office work, is one example. But Sarah Loughton's email relates to the squash league. It's a friendly league for those who like to indulge in the odd gentle game.</div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 16px/normal Times; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 19px; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 16px/normal 'Trebuchet MS'; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;">
Ah, Sarah. She doesn't play squash. At least, I've never actually met the girl but I sense it to be true. Ms Loughton is the diligent PA of Bob, one of my opponents in the league. And she takes her duties very seriously indeed.</div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 16px/normal Times; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 19px; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 16px/normal 'Trebuchet MS'; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<i>Dear Kate</i></div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 16px/normal Times; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 19px; text-align: justify;">
<i><br /></i></div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 16px/normal 'Trebuchet MS'; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<i>Bob would like to set up his game with you for this month. He is free on Monday 4th, Wednesday 6th, Saturday 9th, Tuesdays 12th and 19th but not Tuesdays 5th or 26th. Thursdays are usually not best. Please respond as soon as possible with your availability.</i></div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 16px/normal Times; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 19px; text-align: justify;">
<i><br /></i></div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 16px/normal 'Trebuchet MS'; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<i>Regards</i></div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 16px/normal 'Trebuchet MS'; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<i>Sarah</i></div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 16px/normal Times; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 19px; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 16px/normal 'Trebuchet MS'; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;">
I already spend much of my life replying to emails. And not all of them about squash. Receiving an email like this usually makes me retreat to my room where I can put on <a href="http://www.dailytelegraph.com.au/lifestyle/harness-the-healing-power-of-harry-potter/story-e6frf00i-1225848614481" target="_blank">Harry Potter tapes very loud</a> and sit in a corner humming madly to myself. But Sarah does not like to be ignored:</div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 16px/normal Times; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 19px; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 16px/normal 'Trebuchet MS'; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<i>Dear Kate,</i></div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 16px/normal Times; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 19px; text-align: justify;">
<i><br /></i></div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 16px/normal 'Trebuchet MS'; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<i>Bob is no longer available on the Tuesdays as advised, but will be free on the 5th. Sunday 10th and Thursday 14th or Friday 15th….</i></div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 16px/normal 'Trebuchet MS'; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 19px; text-align: justify;">
<i><br /></i></div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 16px/normal 'Trebuchet MS'; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<i>Kate,</i></div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 16px/normal 'Trebuchet MS'; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<i>Bob would like to play his games in the second week of the month this time. Tuesday 17th 3rd or Sunday 30th (not Saturday) may be best. Wednesday….</i></div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 16px/normal 'Trebuchet MS'; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 19px; text-align: justify;">
<i><br /></i></div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 16px/normal 'Trebuchet MS'; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<i>Kate,</i></div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 16px/normal 'Trebuchet MS'; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<i>Please detail your availability at your earliest convenience. Bob's mother has….</i></div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 16px/normal Times; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 19px; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 16px/normal 'Trebuchet MS'; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;">
It becomes a game. I send back impossible chains of numbers to which Sarah replies with one liners. We get nowhere. I don't even want to play this man. He wears a DT teacher's visor on court and last time we played he ran into me so hard that I was winded. Twice.</div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 16px/normal 'Trebuchet MS'; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 19px; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 16px/normal 'Trebuchet MS'; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;">
Then, last week, she strikes:</div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 16px/normal 'Trebuchet MS'; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 19px; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 16px/normal 'Trebuchet MS'; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<i>Kate,</i></div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 16px/normal 'Trebuchet MS'; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<i>Since you never seem to reply we </i>['we?' What is this? Are we going for two-on-one here? Surely unfair]<i> will be claiming a walkover if you do not get in touch.</i></div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 16px/normal 'Trebuchet MS'; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<i>Sarah</i></div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 16px/normal 'Trebuchet MS'; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 19px; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 16px/normal 'Trebuchet MS'; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<div style="text-align: left;">
</div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.arthursclipart.org/comics/comics/caspar%204.gif" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="155" src="http://www.arthursclipart.org/comics/comics/caspar%204.gif" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Imagine this in email form</span></i></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
I spend the next two days crafting an email of such impenetrable niceness that it can surely lead to no more conflict. I can't take this any more. I have a full time job!</div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 16px/normal 'Trebuchet MS'; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 19px; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 16px/normal 'Trebuchet MS'; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;">
Next day: a forwarded email to accompany Sarah's helpful scribings. She has spoken to the League Master and he has obligingly agreed to remove me from the league. </div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 16px/normal 'Trebuchet MS'; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 19px; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 16px/normal 'Trebuchet MS'; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;">
A sad day.<br />
<br /></div>
</span></div>Kate Masonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05226390267847332135noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3435219892621792660.post-45065217496823636072012-03-11T00:25:00.001+00:002012-03-11T00:25:55.713+00:00Pimlico Social Scene<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Much as we worry that <a href="http://kateinthecountryside.blogspot.com/2010/12/down-and-out-in-london-part-2.html" target="_blank">Pimlico is the new Clapham</a>, Belligerently Optimistic Flatmate and I are still overexcited each time we learn of a new local university chum. Boris-Biking back from Tesco the other day (we're branching out from Sains), I nearly ran over an old friend crossing the road. </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">'Whoopsy!' I cried (<i>too jovially</i>) - 'Gosh good to see you, old chap! It's <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LAmlNjDVntQ" target="_blank">like Cambridge all over again isn't it?</a>' Passing youths eyed me pityingly until I, embarrassed, veered into the path of an oncoming zimmerframe. Not an edifying sight.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2009/12/18/article-1236809-07A2BA1B000005DC-120_468x286.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="195" src="http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2009/12/18/article-1236809-07A2BA1B000005DC-120_468x286.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><i>Another burger? Anyone?</i></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">One great thing about the influx of old university friends is that the <a href="http://kateinthecountryside.blogspot.com/search/label/Pimlico%20Social%20Scene" target="_blank">Pimlico Social Scene</a> is expanding into an (almost) real scene. When sunshine broke through the other day, we were summoned to an optimistic barbecue down the road. It wasn't long until the barbecue plans were canned - occasional bursts of smoke have no impact on raw burgers - but happily the meat feast continued in the kitchen. <a href="http://wiki.answers.com/Q/What_was_in_a_Tudor_banquet" target="_blank">There, the quantities consumed would have made Henry VIII feel a bit awkward.</a></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.heavenlyheathotsauce.com/2/HH360.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://www.heavenlyheathotsauce.com/2/HH360.jpg" width="128" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Yum</span></i></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">One of the girls (a hottie from <a href="http://kateinthecountryside.blogspot.com/2011/08/dangerous-game.html" target="_blank">Netball Crew</a> no less) had brought 'Banana Ketchup' back from her hols. She enthused about it until people dared try it. Some were kind ('just the sort of thing I bet would taste perfect on a sunny beach'); some less so ('It looks like snot').</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Holiday ketchup soon came in useful later however. Then, rendered incapacitated by meat we could only slob about flicking it at one another. </span><br />
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">'Let's play charades!' suggested one inexplicably lively [perhaps vegetarian?] member of the group.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';">I wasn't too enthused by this plan - I hate games I never win - but it soon fell out of favour. The table was held hostage to something else...</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';">'I have a fact,' Bilbo (one of our hosts) proclaimed. 'I shall tell it. <i>Ahem</i>. <a href="http://randomfactgenerator.net/" target="_blank">More than ten people a year are killed by vending machines.</a>'</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';">There was a silence, which Bilbo took for approval.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';">'Also - wait for it - the world's oldest piece of chewing gum is over 9000 years old!'</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';">Few could have guessed that the dissemination of choice facts would prove so contentious. Suddenly others were fighting for the floor. Avid Tweeting Medic (ATM) spoke first: 'I've got one! I've got one it's: Seven lions are ... no wait - that's wrong. Seven tigers are... <i>Hang</i> on.'</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';">ATM's girlfriend tried helpfully to cover the hiatus: 'I've got one!'</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';">ATM: 'No you don't.'</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';">'Yes I do.'</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';">'No you don't.' By this point he had discreetly found randomfactgenerator.net on his iPhone under the table. 'HA! Right - I've got one: The average female IQ is marginally higher than the male IQ.' </span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';">Pause. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';">'<i>That's</i> not a very good fact!' observed Bilbo delightedly. 'An American urologist once bought Napoleon's penis for $40,000.'</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';">'I've got <a href="http://www.facebook.com/pages/Banana-ketchup/104030992967567?sk=info" target="_blank">a fact about Banana Ketchup!</a>' ventured another. And the evening descended into chaos.</span></div>
</div>Kate Masonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05226390267847332135noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3435219892621792660.post-5940584301263315412012-02-05T17:23:00.001+00:002012-02-05T17:23:39.785+00:00Now this may come as a surprise to you...<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://year4.chorltonparkblogs.net/files/2010/12/Deer-in-the-snow1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="160" src="http://year4.chorltonparkblogs.net/files/2010/12/Deer-in-the-snow1.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">New Pimlico Residents</span></i></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 18px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">There is nothing of note happening in the world apart from the Snow. So that is what this week's Kate in the Countryside is about. <a href="http://kateinthecountryside.blogspot.com/2012/01/dog-tales.html">No punchline, no fictional dog adoption</a> - just snowy struggles from the incapacitated capital. </span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 18px;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 18px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><a href="http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7144/6819781829_7290dddd9f.jpg">Everyone knows that the London Underground doesn't run in the snow.</a> So a</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: 18px;">s I clambered through the blizzard to a birthday party in Borough last night, full taxis passed with gay abandon. Snow can make a mockery of even the most sensible of heeled boots, so my ability to walk had taken a hit. At last an empty taxi advances into view, its light gleeful in the dark. I flag it down. </span></div>
<div style="font: 18.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 22.0px;">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
</div>
<div style="font: 18.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">'Hello! Bermondsey Square please?' </span></div>
</div>
<div style="font: 18.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">'I'm not taking you to Bermondsey Square love! It's only a few yards down that way.'</span></div>
</div>
<div style="font: 18.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I should have argued, I know that now. His was the only empty cab for miles around. I was lost half a mile from my goal and didn't even know it. But I was weakened by snow.</span></div>
</div>
<div style="font: 18.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">'OK, thanks! Great! Thanks for your help!' The window closed before I reached 'thanks'. Who needs snow in their cab anyway?</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I strode on, sustained by thoughts of snowball fights and hot drinks and cursing my lack of</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"> iPhone map. Moments from my destination, I fell splat against a bin. I almost managed to laugh.</span></div>
</div>
<div style="font: 18.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 22.0px;">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
</div>
<div style="font: 18.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://i.telegraph.co.uk/multimedia/archive/01788/boris-bikes-620_1788903c.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="198" src="http://i.telegraph.co.uk/multimedia/archive/01788/boris-bikes-620_1788903c.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Bonus seat padding</span></i></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">The morning brought another travelling conundrum. This I resourcefully solved by Boris Bike. Cycling through slush and clich<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;">é</span> from Vauxhall to Pimlico, I was so excited by the charm of the moment that I found myself waving to complete strangers. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><a href="https://web.barclayscyclehire.tfl.gov.uk/maps">Boris has obligingly stationed a bike rack right outside the front door of the Pad</a>. So smug was my face as I replaced the bike, I almost expected someone to pelt me with snow. </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Mr Shop in the corner shop downstairs is not happy with the new bikes - 'What are they for anyway? Who uses them? Tourists! They'll just get themselves killed' - but Belligerently Optimistic Flatmate and I are delighted. Frankly, what could be more fun than riding without a helmet over black ice on a clunky bike </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">that - let's face it - can't really change direction</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">?</span></div>
</div>
<div style="font: 18.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 22.0px;">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
</div>
<div style="font: 18.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I raced in through the front door to share the story of my biking triumph with BOF. The Pad is a winter wonderland. The Christmas lights are still up - snow makes them less festively needy, we reason. There is also an <a href="http://www.savvygardener.com/Features/poinsettias.html">ailing poinsettia</a> on the windowsill, which BOF bought in a fit of festive enthusiasm. It commenced dying barely had it left Sains, but now that we're ready for it to die, it is thrusting back to life</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Outside in Pimlico the snow clears. And the deer go home.</span></div>
</div>
</div>Kate Masonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05226390267847332135noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3435219892621792660.post-46270803573184227342012-01-29T18:13:00.001+00:002012-01-29T18:13:33.114+00:00Dog Tales<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">With <a href="http://kateinthecountryside.blogspot.com/2012/01/bofles-and-pad.html">Bofles returned to university</a>, we must make our own entertainment in the Pad once more. Nostalgic for my own student days, I traipse to North London to visit college neighbours Libs and Diana. </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">The journey is uneventful, though I do end up taking a fairly confusing bus. </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">We talk slobbing and <a href="http://cambridgetab.co.uk/">The Lives of People We Know</a> until it feels as though we're back in Cambridge again. Ideal.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">At last I summon up the courage to face the cold outside and race for the bus stop to return to Pimlico. It is so cold my nose hurts. Distracting myself, I watch as a man with a dog walks into a cheap-looking shop nearby (called Nisa - a Lidl concession perhaps).</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://farm4.staticflickr.com/3294/2875864807_e37375e689_z.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="280" src="http://farm4.staticflickr.com/3294/2875864807_e37375e689_z.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Look! They smile</span></i></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">His dog, a Staffy, is limping. Staffies are nice dogs (I know this because I read it in the Sunday Times) and this one is not so ugly as most. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I look at his dog. The dog looks at me. The man looks to see what his dog is looking at. I look away. The dog ambles up to me - as best it can. I look at the dog again. Poor dog.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">'What did he do to himself?' I say.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Dog-man: 'Him? This my ex girlfriend's dog. Got it a couple of days ago. I let him sleep in my bed! Now I think he's attached….' Laughs. Awkwardly.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">'But what's wrong with his paw?'</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">'He's got glass in it. That's what the ex said. I think. Between you and me, I don't know what to do with him. Been collecting people's numbers - trying to sell him. If no one wants him by the end of the week I'm going to give him to the RSPCA.' [I nod my agreement enthusiastically - this is not a man who should be in sole charge of a pet.]</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">We look at the dog. There is a pause.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Dog-man: 'So [looking at the bus stop] what you up to?'</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">'I'm waiting for a bus.'</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">'Ah! Of course! A bus. Where you off to?'</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">'Going home.' And then - not to be standoffish - 'Back to Victoria.'</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">'Yeah? Cool.'</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Pause.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Dog-man resumes: '<a href="http://www.visitbrighton.com/">I'm going to Brighton for the weekend.</a>'</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">'Oh right.'</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">'Visit my brother.'</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">'Brighton's lovely I've heard.' </span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Pause. </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">The dog commences shagging bus stop.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Dog-man: 'Bus taking a while isn't it?'</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">'Really is.'</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">'Not great travelling around when it's cold like this.'</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">'No.'</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Dog-man struggling for conversation pieces by now. He casts around for inspiration. At last he sees the dog. His relief is apparent.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">'Hey, do you want a dog?'</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">The bus fails to arrive.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">So now I have a dog.</span></div>
</div>Kate Masonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05226390267847332135noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3435219892621792660.post-20674419616484744462012-01-22T10:39:00.001+00:002012-01-22T10:39:32.049+00:00Bofles and the Pad<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 18px;"><a href="http://kateinthecountryside.blogspot.com/search/label/Bofles">And then young Bofles came to stay</a>. Now, the arrival of any Pad guest is always cause for excitement. When he is the sofa-inhabiting, university-attending younger brother of my Belligerently Optimistic Flatmate himself, the enthusiasm reaches fever pitch. In anticipation, BOF bought the whole of Big Sains' fruit and veg section and plotted extravagant breakfasts to feed up young (six foot) Bofles. Then lights out at nine every night the week before and we were ready.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<div style="font: 18.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 22.0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font: 18.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
Bofles is a tremendous house guest. He maintained that the sofa was comfy: 'Oh thanks Kate, it's just the right size - no really! Ideal!' and had politely managed to secure work experience at a firm two minutes walk away. Though he was disappointed not to have the opportunity for a truly working-world commute. </div>
<div style="font: 18.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 22.0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font: 18.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
Last night, I arrived home just before midnight, <a href="http://www.wearethefineline.com/#_">after a friend's gig in Putney</a>, to the sight of a coat fleeing down the corridor. </div>
<div style="font: 18.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 22.0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font: 18.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
'BOF?' I asked, confused. </div>
<div style="font: 18.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
No answer. </div>
<div style="font: 18.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
'Bofles? Hello?' Bofles' head poked out from the sitting room. </div>
<div style="font: 18.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
'Ah hello Kate. Thank God you're here: I'm looking for my coat. Need someone to help me find it.'</div>
<div style="font: 18.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
'Your coat?'</div>
<div style="font: 18.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
'Yes. This is getting ridiculous! Nowhere to be seen. Have you been stealing it??'</div>
<div style="font: 18.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
(<i>He is wearing it.</i>)</div>
<div style="font: 18.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
'You're wearing it.'</div>
<div style="font: 18.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
'aHA!' Delight. Flees the room.</div>
<div style="font: 18.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 22.0px;">
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhAR20SpcuCBlm4-83PVNM2DYqtKnRzH-IrEksDcVNTWvvQIi7h2C_vl-UH-42k55LTat80huaGWHjDw8pw8Ear6JXoIvSfXP8MbVtc0VvKhCuMQEp7dv4x-W__Mx8ujhbiqUdhjEpVXdo/s1600/Sherlock.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhAR20SpcuCBlm4-83PVNM2DYqtKnRzH-IrEksDcVNTWvvQIi7h2C_vl-UH-42k55LTat80huaGWHjDw8pw8Ear6JXoIvSfXP8MbVtc0VvKhCuMQEp7dv4x-W__Mx8ujhbiqUdhjEpVXdo/s200/Sherlock.png" width="190" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Bofles: let's see these shoes then</span></i></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br /></div>
<div style="font: 18.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
BOF appears at the sound of clattering. <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hmbUNF1Q4R8">He is wearing new shoes.</a></div>
<div style="font: 18.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
'Oh hello Kate. Chaps - have you seen my new shoes?'</div>
<div style="font: 18.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
Distracted, Bofles straightens up from the mire of duvet and sheet he's wrestling.</div>
<div style="font: 18.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
'Shoes?'</div>
<div style="font: 18.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
'Yes. Look - they're new!'</div>
<div style="font: 18.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
'Hang on.' Bofles bends double to better assess the shoes. A pause. He sways.</div>
<div style="font: 18.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
'I'm terribly sorry, BOF, I can't seem to see them.'<br />
<br />
We exchange confused looks and start giggling.<br />
'Are you OK Bofles?'<br />
In full drunken flight, Bofles' sentences collide and become oddly stunted. He's mad keen for us to leave but has a lot to say and can't reconcile these two things: 'Of course. Absolutely much fine. Been out at a birthday party - lovely time. Look here it's late, should really be in bed. Not very responsible. Being up this time.'<br />
<br />
We continue to giggle, more and more like parents being embarrassing about drinking. Desperate to prove we aren't square, <a href="http://kateinthecountryside.blogspot.com/search/label/Mr%20S">we start competing in stories about our own drunken exploits</a>.<br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6KyC8tciyDMC7IiGUXoUxPc-ewZn1Fwrhcvta0qQzpg1lU8rm-ZMvipyBtYhouZ2TkLmcVP3WuxskAn9SlmkV3ZVoYPONiZX9iKVGk6wHt4UPH_OyMtrjCetEKOfRsj8m86hOM5MPJFU/s1600/Shatterproof+mug.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6KyC8tciyDMC7IiGUXoUxPc-ewZn1Fwrhcvta0qQzpg1lU8rm-ZMvipyBtYhouZ2TkLmcVP3WuxskAn9SlmkV3ZVoYPONiZX9iKVGk6wHt4UPH_OyMtrjCetEKOfRsj8m86hOM5MPJFU/s200/Shatterproof+mug.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Unbreakable. The very thing</span></i></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Bofles (<i>in sudden realisation</i>): 'Are you laughing at me? [Hurt] You <i>are</i>!'<br />
BOF (<i>conciliatory</i>): 'What can I get you Bofles? Toast? Satsuma? Bagel? Er - apple? Water? [Holds out glass, which Bofles flails at.] Water in shatterproof mug?'<br />
<br />
Suddenly and politely furious, Bofles leaps from the sofa ['It's true it is too small!'] and flees to the bathroom to vom.<br />
<br />
We look at each other. Lairy behaviour in the Pad is this? At last! We must have him over again soon.</div>
</div>
</div>Kate Masonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05226390267847332135noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3435219892621792660.post-44742543526378242322012-01-14T12:19:00.003+00:002012-01-14T12:19:35.657+00:00So this is January<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 18px;">Resolutions are the latest Pad fad. As <a href="http://www.stylist.co.uk/people/stylist-team-blogs/stylist-challenge-2012">January Fever sweeps the nation and its trendsetters</a>, my Belligerently Optimistic Flatmate - though peppering discussions with resolution chat - remains curiously resolution-free. But then, 2011 was a big year of resolve for BOF. He deserves a year off. And frankly he doesn't need any more resolution-based knowledge. Everyone knows that all New Year's Resolutions are useful for is making conversation in January. Come February, the idea of resolve is long gone. No one cares.</span></div>
<div style="font: 18.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
In fact, BOF is the only person I know whose resolutions have ever succeeded. Last year he gave up smoking. Fully. It was such a success that it's almost an anti-climax: he now has to begin sentences with the phrase 'As a non-smoker...' and <a href="http://blogs.telegraph.co.uk/culture/guystagg/100056310/of-course-films-with-smoking-in-them-should-carry-a-health-warning/">'The other day when I was not smoking,'</a> to remind others of his achievement. I think there have also been other resolutions involving sports, which might explain <a href="http://kateinthecountryside.blogspot.com/2011/02/sporting-season.html">the Bikram addiction - though I'm not sure it justifies it</a>.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
My own resolutions are not so strenuous. The first was To Give Up Swearing. Now, this may be hard for readers of a child-friendly blog like Kate in the Countryside to believe, but in real life I am a bit of a potty-mouth. Old ladies faint. <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qSNK-9v7_JI">Rebellious teenagers give me looks on the Tube</a> that say 'Blimey, that's a bit much'. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://newsimg.bbc.co.uk/media/images/44566000/jpg/_44566427_tate_bbc226b.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://newsimg.bbc.co.uk/media/images/44566000/jpg/_44566427_tate_bbc226b.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">KITC?</span></i></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
I'd like to take a moment here to blame my parents. Ever since I first learnt those words that have no place in a blog with its sights on Radio 4 serialisation, any approach towards swearing was met by Daddy Mason and Mother Dearest with horror:</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
KITC (<i>drops pan</i>): Oh balls.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
DM (<i>gasps</i>): Kate <i>Mason</i>!</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
And so forth.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Anyway, the upshot of this has been that any opportunity to showcase the hilarious aptness and virile fortitude of a swearword, I seize with glee. This is true in workplace, street or Pad. <a href="http://blogs.telegraph.co.uk/culture/guystagg/100056109/politicians-should-stop-being-vulgar-it-is-immature-impolite-and-so-so-embarrassing/">BOF finds me offensive, a fact I find faintly amusing. </a>His pained look makes me feel as though I'm home with the Rents.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
So when I announced my plan to give up swearing this year he was supportive and - er - belligerently optimistic. For my failure I have only myself to blame. The enthusiasm with which I discuss swearing (two weeks into January) may have implied that I am not as committed as I'd hoped. And yes, on the second day - blessed relief - I dropped the S-bomb.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Over supper last night I explain to BOF the necessity of trimming the limits of my ambition so that I come up with an achievable and self-improving resolution, but <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uprjmoSMJ-o">BOF The Resolution Inquisitor</a> is not in agreement.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
'No!' he pronounces, with manic fervour, 'Kate! You have to give up completely! That's how it works. Or it's a slippery slope. [<i>Here he charades 'slippery'</i>] NO HALF MEASURES. None! Impossible! No "Oh I'll just have one cigarette now - that'll be nice I don't really need one": next thing you know you've smoked four packs and eaten a cigar.' Breathing deeply he finally puts his knife down. <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZDFFHaz9GsY&feature=fvwrel">Verdi's Requiem starts inexplicably playing in the background.</a></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
So we're going for one swear a day. Don't want to overtax myself.</div>
</div>
</div>Kate Masonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05226390267847332135noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3435219892621792660.post-11644041355492755812012-01-08T15:01:00.000+00:002012-01-08T15:03:20.054+00:00Sports and Sabotage<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<br />
<div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;">
I was concerned to learn what a festive sports bout was planned for <a href="http://kateinthecountryside.blogspot.com/2011/01/escape-to-countryside-festive-episode.html">Christmas this year</a>. True, the Christmas Day Run with Daddy Mason (DM) has long been a fixture in Kate in the Countryside festivities, but I could not have known that Mother Dearest (MD) would be adding to the sporting burden. The rents, it seems, cared little that such dashing about would interrupt <a href="http://blogs.telegraph.co.uk/culture/guystagg/100059231/the-english-love-affair-with-the-murder-mystery/">the murder mystery watching </a>and <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BlK62rjQWLk">compulsive eating that really ought to characterise Christmas</a>. </div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.peterboroughimages.co.uk/blog/wp-content/uploads/oundlefc.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="204" src="http://www.peterboroughimages.co.uk/blog/wp-content/uploads/oundlefc.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Footie: days of yore</span></i></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;">
Of late a rabidly enthusiastic football fan, MD has taken <a href="http://www.wolves.co.uk/page/FansHome/0,,10307,00.html">her support for 'The Wolves</a>' to the level of kick-about participation. So I was surprised to learn on my return home that Boxing Day was to be football day in The Countryside. Some public-spirited teacher had arranged a scurry of teams (largely composed of tiny children and old-ish women) for a high-stakes tournament. </div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;">
Team MD was a motley crew. Though Mother Dearest had cannily kidnapped two chaps to uphold our footballing honour, <a href="http://kateinthecountryside.blogspot.com/search/label/Dogface">Dogface the dog was not allowed to participate</a>. As a result, these almost adolescent <a href="http://www.thefreedictionary.com/ringer">ringers</a> were fairly vital: the rest of the team comprised a non-moving man in goal as well as three tiny children. Though enthusiastic, the children frequently disappeared off the pitch whenever Dogface (mascot) was being particularly entertaining. </div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;">
'I shall be captain,' announced the younger of the two kidnapped children, Harry, adorned in full Premiership football fan attire. </div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://images.wikia.com/harrypotter/images/f/f5/CedricHarry.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="213" src="http://images.wikia.com/harrypotter/images/f/f5/CedricHarry.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><i>'But, Ced, </i>I<i> want to be captain!'<br />Tale as old as time itself</i></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;">
'No you won't!' said MD, ruffling his hair so as not to appear patronising. </div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;">
The captaincy was to go to our other ringer: blonder, charming and older. The Cedric to our Harry. <a href="http://5minutemarvels.files.wordpress.com/2011/09/dennises1.jpg">Harry became sullen</a>. So much for team bonding. </div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;">
The first match began. It wasn't long before all such tiffs were forgotten at the sight of MD moving with miraculous speed towards one of our (tiny) opponents. There was a clash that drew gasps and - seconds later - a yowling infant hit the deck. Amazed at the (for her) unusual experience of being the taller, <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DDZBzvTDhGU">MD raced on triumphantly</a>, ball in possession.</div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;">
Our second game saw Team MD extend our dominance. MD's assassination tactics on those half her size continued contentious. When a girl with pigtails scuttled towards me - her body almost concealed behind the ball, so small was she - I was terrified of going anywhere near her. Not so MD. </div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;">
Another child was floored, and the ref had had enough: 'Yellow Card! MD! If I see that again - you'll be off.' </div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;">
That was the end of MD's star footballing career I'm afraid. Fearful of the Red Card, she managed to stay out of trouble, but the aggressive flair was gone. However, Team MD won the tournament, so <a href="http://fantasy.premierleague.com/">a managerial career might be more her style</a>.</div>
</div>Kate Masonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05226390267847332135noreply@blogger.com3Pimlico, City of Westminster, London SW1V, UK51.490744 -0.140361951.4808575 -0.16010290000000002 51.5006305 -0.1206209tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3435219892621792660.post-3228841470506956282011-12-31T18:56:00.000+00:002011-12-31T18:57:28.679+00:00The Hunt for the Christmas Tree<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<br />
<div style="font: normal normal normal 16px/normal Times; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small;">To keep the festive spirit going strong <a href="http://calgary.ctv.ca/servlet/an/local/CTVNews/20111231/worldwide-celebrations-mark-new-years-transition-from-2011-to-2012-111231/20111231/?hub=CalgaryHome">into the new year</a> (and <a href="http://www.comedycentral.co.uk/shows/friends-season-03/episodes/friends-season-3-episode-10/video/friends-310-phoebe-and-the-christmas-tree-chipper-717838/">Christmas Tree Death Day</a>), <a href="http://kateinthecountryside.blogspot.com/">Kate in the Countryside</a> brings you a happy tale of Christmas Tree hunting in urban sprawl. </span></div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 16px/normal Times; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 19px; text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 16px/normal Times; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small;">BOF and I have been excited about acquiring our tree since last Christmas. <a href="http://kateinthecountryside.blogspot.com/2010/11/down-and-out-in-london.html">Back then, pre-Pad</a>, it seemed a little bold to acquire a festive shrub when we had nowhere to house it. So I spent my time wandering the snowy streets of London gazing jealously at window dressing <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wVyggTKDcOE">to a soundtrack of James Blunt</a> through frostbitten homeless ears.</span></div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 16px/normal Times; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 19px; text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 16px/normal Times; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small;">This year all has changed. Firstly, no snow. Secondly, I am housed. Thirdly, I am in the process of becoming a grown up. Symptoms of this include (but are not limited to): negotiating rent with landlord; fixing internet so it no longer dies every time BOF and I youtube a song; wrapping presents in advance of Christmas day. And achieving The Christmas Tree before Christmas.</span></div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrqFhmfGEdVsXoctPyYSkkAsepYPXNXqRt24XOQt8CzK0zigfnw8K02GEr7A8rKtWCOZajtTXg1RlIqFkuXnRQqu-YAY0Q5hR1f792RqihFbehuRPAq7C1_c7rBEiPI15HnN-hrpjJodVU/s1600/marc-jacobs-kilt.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrqFhmfGEdVsXoctPyYSkkAsepYPXNXqRt24XOQt8CzK0zigfnw8K02GEr7A8rKtWCOZajtTXg1RlIqFkuXnRQqu-YAY0Q5hR1f792RqihFbehuRPAq7C1_c7rBEiPI15HnN-hrpjJodVU/s200/marc-jacobs-kilt.jpg" width="133" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Friendly Giant <br />looked nothing like this</span></i></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 16px/normal Times; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 19px; text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 16px/normal Times; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small;">So, on the day allotted Tree Day, defying torrential rain, BOF and I met to hunt a Tree. This could not wait. Never mind that, post <a href="http://kateinthecountryside.blogspot.com/2011/03/you-shall-not-pass.html">walk from work</a>, I was already as drowned as a rat at swimming class. On the Titanic.</span></div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 16px/normal Times; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 16px/normal Times; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small;">Rousing ourselves with carols, we scurried to Battersea Park to find (<a href="https://twitter.com/#!/jamiemills">thanks Twitter</a>) a charmingly ramshackle tree operation in the car park. Staffed by two men in kilts, </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small;">one of whom was jumper-less and giant, the shop looked like an example of amateur entrepreneurship from a worthy Battersea resident. The tree chaperone was more rained on than I, this Friendly Giant, and looked positively gleeful. Only a true tree enthusiast could muster that much cheer in the face of such soggy adversity.</span></div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 16px/normal Times; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 19px; text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 16px/normal Times; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small;">Poor BOF didn't know what he was getting himself into on the tree decision.</span></div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 16px/normal Times; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 19px; text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 16px/normal Times; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small;">KITC: 'I want this one.'</span></div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 16px/normal Times; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small;">Other Tree Man (OTM): 'That one is 52 pounds.'</span></div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 16px/normal Times; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small;">KITC: 'What?? (<i>teary</i>) But I <i>love</i> it! And we can't afford that much. It's Christmas! How about … ten pounds?</span></div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 16px/normal Times; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small;">OTM: This isn't really a bartering situation. We're a franchise.</span></div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 16px/normal Times; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small;">BOF: Fifty-two pounds you say? Fine! Good! OK. Actually that is a lot why don't we find another tree? Maybe a shorter one? They might be cheaper you know.</span></div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 16px/normal Times; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small;">KITC (<i>lip wobbling</i>): NO! I want this tree. It's the best tree by far. Can't you tell it's the best BOF?</span></div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 16px/normal Times; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small;">BOF: We could get a littler one and put it on the table? Maybe?</span></div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 16px/normal Times; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small;">OTM (<i>gently - concerned I may be a child</i>): OK how about I throw in some holly? And a stand?</span></div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 16px/normal Times; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 19px; text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-c4V6hFyG5fw/Tv9RohRRewI/AAAAAAAAADI/I_FTLfJsF0o/s1600/Tree+in+Net.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-c4V6hFyG5fw/Tv9RohRRewI/AAAAAAAAADI/I_FTLfJsF0o/s320/Tree+in+Net.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Tree! Also Wellies. </span></i></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 16px/normal Times; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small;">Finally everything was organised to our (my) satisfaction. A marginally smaller tree at a deeply superior price was purchased. And dead holly into the bargain! I was delighted. </span></div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 16px/normal Times; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 19px; text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 16px/normal Times; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 19px; text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small;">I carried the holly, BOF carried the tree. As we passed other soggy folk on the bridge I called 'Merry Christmas' to them all with levels of cheer that bordered on the hysterical. It was bloody brilliant. </span></div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 16px/normal Times; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 19px; text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 16px/normal Times; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 19px; text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small;">But, dear readers, next year I resolve to get the bigger one.</span></div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 16px/normal Times; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 19px; text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 16px/normal Times; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small;"><i>NB. It should be recorded that BOF carried the tree by himself all the way to the Pimlico Pad. From Battersea. Fan-mail should be directed to his agent (KITC in this instance) by postcard. Or in comment form below. <a href="https://twitter.com/#!/kvlmason">Or Twitter (@kvlmason)</a>. Thanks.</i></span></div>
</div>Kate Masonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05226390267847332135noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3435219892621792660.post-53598770924547280842011-12-01T22:00:00.001+00:002011-12-17T12:09:12.087+00:00For Late Adopters<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"></span><br />
<div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"></span></div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Late adopters of Kate in the Countryside have observed that - for the uninitiated - such an acronym-dense landscape can sometimes be tricky to navigate. </span></div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">It is for them, and for those whose knowledge of Kate in the Countryside is not as exhaustive as they might hope, that the crib sheet below came to pass. Diligent members of the readership would be advised to print out what follows and keep it in a handy place for reference. Perhaps an opportunity to familiarise oneself with laminating machine? </span></div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/419wQs1AnPL._SL500_AA300_.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/419wQs1AnPL._SL500_AA300_.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Laminated items do keep better.<br />Just a suggestion</span></i></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Kate in the Countryside began a year ago after the demise of my Carefree University Life at Cambridge. Returning from a month at the Edinburgh Festival, I found myself unemployed in The Countryside living with MD (Mother Dearest - of whom more later). The curious folk I found there proved an excellent source of solace and fascination. So the blog was born. When someone generously gave me a job months later, the blog travelled with me to London, where I found that the oddballs of Oundle were no stranger than those of Pimlico who now populate these pages.</div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 18px;"></span><br />
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 18px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 18px;"><br /></span></span></div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 18px;">
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 18px;">KITC: Acronym of the name of This Blog. Also represents Kate the character at moments of dramatic importance.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;">
Kate in the Countryside: name of This Blog. A misnomer (as is often observed) since I am no longer domiciled in The Countryside. Knowledge for the in-crowd, that. Like Magdalene being pronounced Maudlin. </div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;">
Pimlico: where Kate in the Countryside now lives with flatmate and co-star, BOF.</div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;">
BOF: Belligerently Optimistic Flatmate. <a href="http://kateinthecountryside.blogspot.com/2010/12/down-and-out-in-london-part-2.html">Formerly Belligerently Optimistic Future-Flatmate</a>. This sobriquet refers to a sad time a year ago when we were both yet to be homed. But BOF's unflagging - if occasionally a little manic - optimism eventually secured us The Pad. A place with no graffitied doors and good-looking neighbours thrown in.</div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;">
Pretty Neighbour (PN): Apple of BOF's eye. Attempts to seduce her / convince her to come over have as yet gone unrewarded. <a href="http://kateinthecountryside.blogspot.com/2011/07/pretty-neighbour-returns-part-1.html">Though we did meet her once</a>. Recently waking up to the fact that she may not be interested in boys. Bit galling, hence KITC's silence on the subject in recent months.</div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<a href="http://kateinthecountryside.blogspot.com/search/label/Spinning">Spinning: one of London's gifts to the blog.</a> I find myself being shouted and sworn at on a bike in a small room at the local gym with more regularity than I imagined possible. Run by...</div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<a href="http://kateinthecountryside.blogspot.com/2011/02/sporting-season.html">The Shouter</a>: Australian Spinning Trainer Man. He shouts. Suspect he may be in league with PG, who first introduced me to the local Pimlico hang outs and Spinning class.</div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;">
PG: <a href="http://kateinthecountryside.blogspot.com/search/label/PG">Pimlico Guru.</a> Collaborator in Spinning sessions. Resident of Pimlico. Advisor in all things local. Word on the grapevine is that she may be leaving the gym. Updates impending.<br />
<br />
Tactful Friend (TF): Non-Pimlico resident and regular facilitator of Nights Out. I have recently realised that <a href="http://kateinthecountryside.blogspot.com/2011/10/only-way-is-chelsea.html">such evenings always lead to encounters with London's Gits</a>, for which this blog <a href="http://kateinthecountryside.blogspot.com/2011/03/london-rogues-part-3-banking-crisis.html">is very grateful</a>.</div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;">
Dogface: My dog. Interestingly, <a href="http://kateinthecountryside.blogspot.com/2010/10/dog-with-no-name.html">this is his real name</a>.<br />
<br />
Mother Dearest (MD): Mother of KITC. Teacher. Resident of Oundle. Recent adopter of Twitter. Follow her in real life (@msoundle) for the full metafictional KITC experience.<br />
<br />
DM: Daddy Mason. Not to be confused with MD, DM lives in the Bahamas where he keeps <a href="http://kateinthecountryside.blogspot.com/search/label/Swimming%20Pigs">swimming pigs</a>. This may or may not be true.</div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;">
Mysterious L: <a href="http://www.blogger.com/profile/14781669604668607533">Most significant external contributor to KITC</a>. True identity a mystery. Some say she exists only within the confines of the KITC world. </div>
</span></div>Kate Masonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05226390267847332135noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3435219892621792660.post-73222996842584782072011-11-10T17:13:00.000+00:002011-11-11T18:00:22.913+00:00Paradise and Pigs: One Year On<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 18px;">Trips to the <a href="http://kateinthecountryside.blogspot.com/search/label/DM">Bahamas to see Daddy Mason</a> have been frequently reported here. One of the earliest episodes of Kate in the Countryside saw me <a href="http://kateinthecountryside.blogspot.com/2010/10/paradise-and-pigs.html">duped into a race with some swimming pigs</a>. This week I'm back on Paradise Island with the <a href="http://kateinthecountryside.blogspot.com/2010/10/paradise-and-pigs.html">luminous Americans</a> and their burgers, determined not to repeat that debacle.</span></div>
<div style="font: 18.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 22.0px;">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
</div>
<div style="font: 18.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: justify;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.cosmosmagazine.com/files/imagecache/news/files/news/pig_100210.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://www.cosmosmagazine.com/files/imagecache/news/files/news/pig_100210.jpg" width="195" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><i>Oundle Pig</i></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
[True, the Caribbean is not The Countryside, as many<a href="https://twitter.com/#!/the_Other_Guy"> followers</a> of Kate in the Countryside have somewhat pedantically observed. However, since even in <a href="http://kateinthecountryside.blogspot.com/2010/10/litigants-anonymous.html">Oundle</a> the pigs cannot swim we will overlook this for now.] </div>
</div>
<div style="font: 18.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 22.0px;">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
</div>
<div style="font: 18.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
In a trip riddled with sporting activity as usual, DM and I started the week with an extremely curious run. It was with a group of people (ranging from youthful to extremely aged) who do jogs interspersed with beer stops. To give you some idea, the running group is sponsored by <a href="http://www.bahamianbrewery.com/sands-beer.htm">Sands, the local Bahamian beer</a>. Apparently these Hash House running things take place all over the world. They even have a song. This week's run bafflingly took us through rotting rubbish and snakes in one of the most beautiful places in the world. </div>
</div>
<div style="font: 18.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 22.0px;">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
</div>
<div style="font: 18.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
But afterwards there was singing and beers on benches in the darkness. It felt like university - though with old people and warm weather. It was brilliant. </div>
</div>
<div style="font: 18.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 22.0px;">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
</div>
<div style="font: 18.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
And yes, we did return to Staniel Cay to catch up with the Swimming Pigs and their offspring. Shoot the breeze, admire their athletic physique, that sort of thing. This time last year, the Pig Leaders were first to the boat, pounding the waves with earnest desire for food, while their sweet little piglet chums (see above) paced the shallows, dreaming of when they'd be allowed on the waves.</div>
</div>
<div style="font: 18.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 22.0px;">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
</div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: justify;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiu9TcRkjthG2aJdP_G-ECXKqEq3mw17ZX8eWYNJ3Yz9vg8v0gVZA5Dg6OQnmGms0NdoGh__6tPvLCIikKxFcUkcq4U8q2r5WyN5kHqDeUd9KhHvYewIfIspYe3zAEEn_BhcapoZ-1Ed-E/s1600/Terror+Pig.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="238" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiu9TcRkjthG2aJdP_G-ECXKqEq3mw17ZX8eWYNJ3Yz9vg8v0gVZA5Dg6OQnmGms0NdoGh__6tPvLCIikKxFcUkcq4U8q2r5WyN5kHqDeUd9KhHvYewIfIspYe3zAEEn_BhcapoZ-1Ed-E/s320/Terror+Pig.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e6DjLFX6m6I">Feed me Seymour</a>: Bahamian Swimming Pig</span></i></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div style="font: 18.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
I'm afraid to report that on our return this year there were only four pigs to be seen. No piglets. A passing American told us he'd heard there used to be <a href="http://lifeasahuman.com/2010/travel-adventure/adventure/where-pigs-swim-a-bahamas-adventure-tour/">fifty Swimming Pigs</a> on the island. Perhaps they were all resting?</div>
</div>
<div style="font: 18.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 22.0px;">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
</div>
<div style="font: 18.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
'Where are the piglets?' wailed KITC (devastated).</div>
</div>
<div style="font: 18.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
'I imagine someone's eaten them for supper,' said DM.</div>
</div>
<div style="font: 18.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 22.0px;">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
</div>
<div style="font: 18.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Last time their efficiency at swimming / eating / fighting seemed pleasingly noble. Over the past year they have become more terrifying than you could possibly imagine. Hungrily scrabbling at the sides of our boat, they nearly managed to launch themselves in and topple us out.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
'Hit them!' advised DM, eagerly taking pictures.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
I tapped one with the scraps bucket, which only seemed to exacerbate the problem. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
An American turned up and fed his bacon sandwich to one of the marauding beasts:</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
'Hah! Look at that y'all - he's eatin PIG!'</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
We left, trying hard not to think of the implications of this for the missing 46.</div>
</div>
</div>Kate Masonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05226390267847332135noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3435219892621792660.post-30463979491257519842011-11-08T04:36:00.001+00:002011-11-08T04:36:57.422+00:00Zurich and the Zoo<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.geekwatches.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/03/swiss-watch-automatic-chronograph.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://www.geekwatches.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/03/swiss-watch-automatic-chronograph.jpg" width="139" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Clearly the product of a country <br />that knows how to enjoy itself... </span></i></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: large;">Zurich might seem an odd place for a holiday. Efficiency and high prices seldom make for the best jaunts. But when an old bandcamp friend, <a href="http://www.fergusmacleod.com/">Maestro-in-Training (MiT)</a>, moved out there, a visit was planned. And this is how I found myself in the wilds of urban Zurich last weekend <a href="http://kateinthecountryside.blogspot.com/search/label/Pegson">with Pegson in tow</a>.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: large;">MiT's encyclopaedic knowledge of Zurich was such that, if the conducting thing goes to pot, a fallback guided tour career awaits.</span></div>
<div style="font: 18.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 22.0px;">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
</div>
<div style="font: 18.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: large;"></span><br />
<div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: large;">After local architecture, interesting geographical features and places of worship had been covered, we took a tram to the zoo. There are only four topics of conversation possible at any zoo. As follows:</span></div>
</div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 22px;">
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
</div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: large;">1. Levels of liveliness of favoured beasts. Subtitled: '<i>Is it dead?</i>'</span></div>
</div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: large;">2. Enclosure size. A certain space meets layman understanding of what is appropriate for [large-ish animal] to live in. All others declared cruel.</span></div>
</div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: large;">3. Security of dangerous beast enclosures. Subtitled: '<i>That tiger could absolutely get out of there if it tried</i>'. (Taking into account moats, electric wiring etc.)</span></div>
</div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: large;">4. Physical similarity of beasts to mutual friends. (This should really be at 1. My oft-remarked facial similarity to a monkey makes zoo trips endlessly hilarious. I love it, obviously.)</span></div>
</div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: large;">Passing the Chimp Enclosure for the fourth time that day, I finally dragged Pegson and MiT into another enclosure - the Seal House. They were still chortling about the monkey thing when a seal slid down the window and lay on its back on the tank floor not moving. At that moment a parent carrying its child pushed in front of us to get a closer look at the cute seals.</span></div>
</div>
<div style="font: 18.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 22.0px;">
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; text-align: justify;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://jmlynch.files.wordpress.com/2010/01/sealruinsphoto.jpg?w=400&h=392" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: large;"><img border="0" height="312" src="http://jmlynch.files.wordpress.com/2010/01/sealruinsphoto.jpg?w=400&h=392" style="cursor: move;" width="320" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small;">For Reference: A live seal</span></i></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: large;">Fearful that seal death would scar the child for life, we knew we should intervene. </span></div>
</div>
<div style="font: 18.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: large;">'Right.' [<i>whispered</i>]</span></div>
</div>
<div style="font: 18.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: large;">'So…'</span></div>
</div>
<div style="font: 18.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: large;">'Is it dead?'</span></div>
</div>
<div style="font: 18.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 22.0px;">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
</div>
<div style="font: 18.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: large;">The seal just lay there. On its back. Not moving.</span></div>
</div>
<div style="font: 18.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 22.0px;">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
</div>
<div style="font: 18.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: large;">'Did we just see a seal … <i>die</i>?' I ventured. </span></div>
</div>
<div style="font: 18.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 22.0px;">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
</div>
<div style="font: 18.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: large;">Roaming meant googling '<a href="http://whale.wheelock.edu/archives/ask00/0159.html">how do seals sleep?</a>' was out. The silence of death came upon the Seal House. Even the neighbouring months-old child had started to stare.</span></div>
</div>
<div style="font: 18.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 22.0px;">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
</div>
<div style="font: 18.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: large;">Other seals slipped by: their <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4lUHudMN1TU">cheerful swimming</a> highlighting more and more the stationary dead-ness of our floored friend. </span></div>
</div>
<div style="font: 18.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 22.0px;">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
</div>
<div style="font: 18.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: large;">'Let's hit the gorillas!' Pegson said, gratefully seizing the opportunity for more monkey-based gags.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
</div>
<div style="font: 18.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: large;">Nothing to be done. We scuttled past the forlorn seal-loving crowd. <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LLpuOCpTH-k">The Dead Seal opened one eye</a>. He waggled a fin. Relief broke across the city.</span></div>
</div>
</div>Kate Masonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05226390267847332135noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3435219892621792660.post-21407226777279521172011-11-01T07:39:00.001+00:002011-11-02T14:57:33.396+00:00(Lucky) Escape to the Countryside<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS',sans-serif;"></span><br />
<div style="font: 18.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS',sans-serif; font-size: small;">Apple Day happened last weekend. For those of you who are not familiar with this illustrious occasion, it <a href="http://www.telegraph.co.uk/gardening/plants/fruit/8799238/Apple-day-A-celebration-of-core-values.html"><span style="color: #2929ee; text-decoration: underline;">celebrates the end of the apple harvest</span></a></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS',sans-serif; font-size: small;">. It is not - as PG (in her other guise as the Apple Hostess) was quick to clarify - the one day in which all apples are picked on all farms. Thank God. It's more an educative opportunity regarding apples.</span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS',sans-serif; font-size: small;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS',sans-serif; font-size: small;">The weekend's warm up to Apple Sunday was not so cerebral.</span></div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS',sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div style="font: 16.0px Times; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 19.0px; text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS',sans-serif; font-size: small;">Friday's quiet drink with friends involved an accidental visit to the m&m's 'World' in Leicester Square. There, bouncers wore m&m's ties while shop assistants with sad eyes danced uncomfortably to the hyperpop next to m&ms inexplicably arranged <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nXO7Ahkghvg"><span style="color: #2929ee; text-decoration: underline;">to look somewhat like the Beatles</span></a>. </span></div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 16px/normal Times; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 19px; text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS',sans-serif; font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://thumbs.dreamstime.com/thumblarge_630/131523351583w3H7.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS',sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="201" src="http://thumbs.dreamstime.com/thumblarge_630/131523351583w3H7.jpg" width="320" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS',sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Terrifying</span></i></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS',sans-serif; font-size: small;">'Just look at <a href="http://www.mirror.co.uk/celebs/news/2011/07/07/jls-open-new-london-m-m-s-store-115875-23268423/"><span style="color: #2929ee; text-decoration: underline;">all the different flavours of m&m's</span></a>!' enthused Unlikely Militant Raver, one of the chums, trying to stay upbeat. [There were three (3) flavours.] Failing to fight the place's atmosphere of canned hopelessness with enthusiasm, we left.</span></div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS',sans-serif; font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS',sans-serif; font-size: small;">It became clear that - to UMR - such an experience could only be topped, post pub, by a visit to a strip club. No matter that it was 9.30 and a third of the party was female - UMR would not be deterred. Attention transferred from chocolate pellets to naked chicks, he struggled to get us on board.</span></div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS',sans-serif; font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS',sans-serif; font-size: small;">'Come on you bores! It's this great place my Grandad's told me about. (<i>Pause. Confusion.</i>) We'll walk past - see what's going down.'</span></div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS',sans-serif; font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS',sans-serif; font-size: small;">The club of choice is just by where I work. Which is nice. We approached the bouncer: </span></div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS',sans-serif; font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS',sans-serif; font-size: small;">'Oh look! What about this place?' (<i>UMR, acting</i>) 'We could just grab a drink in here guys.'</span></div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS',sans-serif; font-size: small;">Bouncer: 'Lads, lads, er, this place is not the sort of place you go for - er - "drinks".'</span></div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS',sans-serif; font-size: small;">UMR: Right. What sort of a place is it then?</span></div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.shoutingatco.ws/wp-content/uploads/2011/03/779_jeremy_kyle_342x2621.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="244" src="http://www.shoutingatco.ws/wp-content/uploads/2011/03/779_jeremy_kyle_342x2621.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS',sans-serif;"><i>Jez</i></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS',sans-serif; font-size: small;">Bouncer (<i>both awkward and smarmy. Think apologetic Jeremy Kyle</i>): Well, it's got girls in. </span></div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS',sans-serif; font-size: small;">UMR (<i>politely, in manner of enquiry</i>): Girls?</span></div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS',sans-serif; font-size: small;">Bouncer (<i>coy</i>): So - er - a bottle of champagne will be … so I mean you'll have to buy drinks for the girls. </span></div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS',sans-serif; font-size: small;">UMR (<i>feigning sudden understanding</i>): Aaah! The girls take their clothes off!</span></div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS',sans-serif; font-size: small;">All look at me.</span></div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS',sans-serif; font-size: small;">KitC (<i>scrambling for taking-charge-of-the-conversation pleasantries</i>): Er … busy night so far? Good ... turnout? So. Shall I leave?</span></div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS',sans-serif; font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS',sans-serif; font-size: small;">Thank God for Sunday and the wholesome opportunity to sample the repertoire of this year's apples. Down in the countryside I found an idyll of <a href="http://apps.rhs.org.uk/advicesearch/Profile.aspx?pid=63">apple-enthusiasts</a> - not to mention the highlight: PG stashed up in farm outfit. Occasional animals and aesthetically-pleasing children ambled past the apple juice like extras in an <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jHAAUgMgafs&feature=showob">Austen remake</a>. Though the long-promised Apple Quiz did not materialise, there were plenty of Enid Blyton activities (apple bobbing, old-school pinball) to make the day an extravaganza of loveliness. <a href="http://kateinthecountryside.blogspot.com/2011/01/escape-to-countryside-festive-episode.html">Kate in the Countryside</a> restored.</span></div>
</div>
</div>Kate Masonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05226390267847332135noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3435219892621792660.post-41517444968956576992011-10-19T07:38:00.001+01:002011-10-20T22:54:09.255+01:00The Lads who Lunch<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"></span><br />
<div style="font: 16.0px 'Trebuchet MS'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small;">It's true that <a href="http://kateinthecountryside.blogspot.com/"><span style="color: #2929ee; text-decoration: underline;">Kate in the Countryside</span></a> ferrets <a href="http://kateinthecountryside.blogspot.com/2011/03/you-shall-not-pass.html"><span style="color: #2929ee; text-decoration: underline;">around the outskirts of the fact that I have a job</span></a>. I am not planning to break the habit and mention it now. But here is something that happens in the crux of working hours: lunch. More specifically, <a href="http://www.pizzahut.co.uk/restaurants/restaurant.aspx"><span style="color: #2929ee; text-decoration: underline;">Pizza Hut</span></a>. </span></div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div style="font: 16.0px Times; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 19.0px; text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small;">In software, in which I make my career, it is impossible to discuss things unless they're turned acronym. We're businesspeople remember? We haven't got time to sit down and bloody spell things out. We have deals to be doing. Levels of Angry Birds to be achieving. Cups of coffee to be drinking. </span></div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div style="font: 16.0px Times; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 19.0px; text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">
<div style="font: 16.0px 'Trebuchet MS'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">So much you understand. For this reason, all of life must be slimmed down to as few characters as possible: Pizza Hut is PH. <a href="http://www.metro.co.uk/metrolife/321884-benito-s-hat-have-got-it-wrapped"><span style="color: #2929ee; text-decoration: underline;">Benito's Hat</span></a> (another old fave) is BH and Free Lunch Friday is FLF (I made that one up. We don't acronym Free Lunch. I don't know why not. Must check).</span></div>
<div style="font: 18.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 22.0px; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font: 16.0px 'Trebuchet MS'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">At about half eleven on your average day, the first hunger pangs will make themselves known in our office corner. We (the young folk) segregate ourselves onto a single table each day, largely for ease of lunchtime planning. It's a big decision, lunch.</span></div>
</span></div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: justify;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://images.wikia.com/lionking/images/b/bb/Lion_timon.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><img border="0" src="http://images.wikia.com/lionking/images/b/bb/Lion_timon.jpg" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small;">Meesli</span></i></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small;"></span><br />
<div style="font: 16.0px 'Trebuchet MS'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Most days, our resident gourmet (known as Meesli) will look up, cast his eyes to the near distance, sniff the air for inspiration and muse, 'PH?' </span></span></div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small;">
</span><br />
<div style="font: 18.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 22.0px; text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small;">
<div style="font: 16.0px 'Trebuchet MS'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I find this enthusiasm for the <a href="http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/showthread.php?t=422446"><span style="color: #2929ee; text-decoration: underline;">All You Can Eat Pizza Hut deal</span></a> fairly confusing. I imagined that I had left it behind when I found myself, aged seven, diving out of the way of a vomiting chum on his record fifth bowl of <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CfKbaZDXW2o"><span style="color: #2929ee; text-decoration: underline;">Ice Cream Factory</span></a>. Happy days. For the Grad Lads though, it's the highlight of the week.</span></div>
<div style="font: 18.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 22.0px; text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="font: 16.0px 'Trebuchet MS'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">So last Tuesday we found ourselves at the Piccadilly Circus branch of the esteemed chain. All six of us <a href="http://kateinthecountryside.blogspot.com/2010/11/in-court-of-recruitment-king-censorship.html"><span style="color: #2929ee; text-decoration: underline;">grad scheme youth were in attendance</span></a>. Given how often the chaps frequent this place, it was disappointing to find that the PH waiting staff didn't reward commitment with preferment. Crushed in a corner, a sizeable distance from the buffet counter, our table glistened with semi-wiped offerings from the party that preceded us. </span></div>
<div style="font: 18.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 22.0px; text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="font: 16.0px 'Trebuchet MS'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">We sized up the - frustratingly sparse - buffet counter. Swiftly, the tallest and biggest of our number, Don, dived in. Knocking aside tables, chairs, small children and the occasional meatball, such was his enthusiasm, he sneaked in in front of a crowd of hungry Russian tourists.</span></div>
<div style="font: 18.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 22.0px; text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="font: 16.0px 'Trebuchet MS'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Shepherding the rest of the team through the <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8WD0WVL-HjE">Volga brothers</a>, Don seized a couple of pizza platters. As the crowd grew mutinous Meesli employed the vegetarian serving knife on a meaty pizza. Oblivious to the wrath of our Cold War cousins, I took the green-handled knife from Meesli to serve myself some veggie pizza, cross-fertilising the issue. The resulting fracas could have been heard in Beijing.</span></div>
<div style="font: 18.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 22.0px; text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="font: 16.0px 'Trebuchet MS'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Keen not to seem the appetite wuss, I then snuck across to the salad bar to pad out my (frankly unambitious) plate, before returning to our <a href="http://www.bhaam.org.uk/images/index/den_building.jpg"><span style="color: #2929ee; text-decoration: underline;">grimy den</span></a>. Alas, the mouldy salad collection was more noxious than the pizza. I unearthed two hairs, an egg and some extremely unusual-looking carrots.</span></div>
<div style="font: 18.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 22.0px; text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="font: 16.0px 'Trebuchet MS'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">And after that, all that remains is digestion. And a chocolate sundae. A perfect Tuesday.</span></div>
</span></div>
</div>Kate Masonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05226390267847332135noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3435219892621792660.post-6214283862924173532011-10-09T23:38:00.002+01:002011-10-09T23:38:52.712+01:00The Only Way is Chelsea (Part 2 - The Escape)<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Scurrying from <a href="http://www.blogger.com/"><span id="goog_1188256377"></span>the previous episode's<span id="goog_1188256378"></span></a> cosy Chelsea nightspot and its preponderance of gits, we hunted for a night bus. As the four of us walked along, we found ourselves being showered with CDs. Git 5 now stumbled up, apparently considering this glass-based attack a perfect way to charm the group. <a href="http://kateinthecountryside.blogspot.com/search/label/Tactful%20Friend">Tactful Friend</a></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"> attempted (tactfully) to dismiss him. </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">So tactful was she he did not notice. Unlucky Friend asserted herself with more vigour, and dispatched the yob.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.deichmann-photo.com/files/flying%20cds%20aperture.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="209" src="http://www.deichmann-photo.com/files/flying%20cds%20aperture.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><i>The best Google Images can do on the Flying CDs front</i></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">The presence of flying CDs yet unexplained we parted ways: the rest of the group south; <a href="http://kateinthecountryside.blogspot.com/">Kate in the Countryside</a> striking out alone the opposite way - back to the <a href="http://www.diccionarioingles.com/dictionary/pimlico.html">wilds of Pimlico</a>. </span></div>
<div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
</div>
<div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">As I waited at the bus stop, the door to the flat opposite was abruptly flung open. Two boys fell out and started picking up the remnants of the flying CDs. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">They spotted me. I pretended to be fascinated by my book (<a href="http://www.amazon.com/Rum-Diary-Hunter-S-Thompson/dp/0684856476">'The Rum Diary'</a> in case anyone's interested) but it was a fragile conceit.</span></div>
</div>
<div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
</div>
<div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">'Come to a party!' Oddly, this chap seemed to be Not A Git. I looked up.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">'Thanks - I'm afraid I have to catch a bus. Another time.'</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Undeterred, he rolled out a string of (at the time, incredibly compelling) reasons why I should attend. At last, sizing them up as non-rapists and assessing their hallway to be neither the hallway of a crack den nor a Mormon haunt, I agreed. It's the <a href="http://kingsroad.co.uk/articles/2011/09/29/fashion-show-530">King's Road</a> remember. What could go wrong?</span></div>
</div>
<div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Up the stairs I ventured to a flat full of people I did not know. Here I was waylaid by Pensive Git (Git 6, for those of you still counting). Pensive Git had reached the contemplative stage of his evening and decided I was the perfect person to share his revelatory mood.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">First I heard about his brother and his brother's plans for the future. Soon after, I was told about his early years at boarding school and the difficulties he'd had settling in, problems that were connected in some way to cattle farming - though I may be misremembering. We then moved on to a breakdown of his life objectives and career goals. He has a job interview in a couple of days and is planning to move into <a href="http://www.mawer.com/default.asp?FolderID=3332">asset management</a>, in case you were wondering. At this stage, he had yet to ask my name. However, since I'd just stumbled into the party of a bunch of people I'd never met, I couldn't really complain that the company wasn't up to scratch.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">As he took to categorising the life lessons he'd learned up to and including tonight, he began to fumble at my knee. I realised at this stage that it was time to go. Hailing NAG, I announced my intention and thanked him for his hospitality. His enthusiasm was overwhelming, badly expressed - 'It's been <a href="http://seminalmoments.blogspot.com/2010/07/definition-so-as-not-to-confuse-readers.html">seminal</a>!' - and frankly quite sweet. Unfortunately Pensive Git seemed to believe my departure <a href="http://www.yourdictionary.com/come-on">a come on</a>.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">'I'm leaving too!' he exclaimed. He groped for my name. 'Er... I'll show you, her, out yeah. Yeah. Bye then NAG.' He paused to embrace his old schoolfriend and, seizing my chance, I darted for the door.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Seminal indeed.</span></div>
</div>
</div>
Kate Masonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05226390267847332135noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3435219892621792660.post-20532212102102232852011-10-04T15:38:00.000+01:002011-10-09T15:48:19.688+01:00The Only Way is Chelsea<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
<span style="font-size: small;">I have recently realised that nights out with Tactful Friend <a href="http://kateinthecountryside.blogspot.com/2011/03/london-rogues-part-3-banking-crisis.html">always</a> lead to encounters with London's Gits. This weekend was no exception. </span></div>
<div style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://castlewallwinebar.co.uk/images/offers/happyman.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://castlewallwinebar.co.uk/images/offers/happyman.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i>That'll be £64.50, thanks</i></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-size: small;">On Saturday, we attempted an elegant and - yes - cripplingly expensive round of cocktails at a <a href="http://www.maremoto.co.uk/">cosy Chelsea </a>hangout. Two drinks in, the bar was so busy we were being made forcibly friendly with the lads beside us. And we couldn't afford enough cocktails for that.</span></div>
<div style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: small;">Soon Git 1 lunged past, nearly smashing both Tactful Friend's face and drink. In moments our group turned <a href="http://www.waterstones.com/waterstonesweb/products/owen+jones/chavs/8366149/">chav</a>, abusing the wretch with all manner of gestures. The X Factor's <a href="http://entertainment.stv.tv/showbiz/273279-no-regrets-cheryl-cole-and-tulisa-cuddle-up-at-pride-of-britain-awards/">most illustrious judges</a> would have been proud. </span></div>
<div style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: small;">Next, Git 2 arrived. Not a man I recognised, but two members of our party turned steely. Both recounted Git 2's actively aggressive (and repeated) attempts at charming them, instances I then realised I had witnessed. They went as follows:</span></div>
<div style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-align: justify;">
<i><span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></i></div>
<div style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: small;">Unlucky Friend (dancing uncomfortably and at some distance from Git 2) tries to edge away from his pursuit.</span></div>
<div style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: small;">Git 2: 'Lighten up why don't you? Can't you just chill out and have a good time?!'</span></div>
<div style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: small;">UF's lack of enthusiasm becomes so pronounced it's almost a condition.</span></div>
<div style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: small;">'Come on!' Git 2 grabs wrists of UF, in manner of domestic violence infomercial, and enforces complex gyration.</span></div>
<div style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: small;">UF bobs, casting increasingly repulsed looks to the rest of the group. At last, recalling the old failsafe, UF moves in to structure a line or two of conversation.</span></div>
<div style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: small;">[<i>Git 2 delighted.</i>]</span></div>
<div style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: small;">Pleasantries commence. Then, the bombshell:</span></div>
<div style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: small;">UF: 'So I was saying to my boyfriend the other day…'</span></div>
<div style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: small;">Git 2, scandalised, drops wrists with embarrassing haste - 'Boyfriend?! Thanks for wasting my <i>fucking</i> time' - and flees.</span></div>
<div style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: small;">And so it's with horror we realise he's here again, approaching the bar and UF and clutching an unsteady drink.</span></div>
<div style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: small;">'I wanted to apologise,' he slurs.</span></div>
<div style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: small;">(UF hostile)</span></div>
<div style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: small;">'This [<i>proffers drink</i>] is for you.'</span></div>
<div style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: small;">(UF thawing) 'Aw. Thanks Git 2. It's OK - don't worry about it.'</span></div>
<div style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://bluesky-pr.net/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/david-brent_94366t.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://bluesky-pr.net/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/david-brent_94366t.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i>Brent: A regular</i></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-size: small;">Gits 3 and 4 approach at this point to replenish <a href="http://www.metro.co.uk/tv/863703-made-in-chelsea-gang-confuse-the-only-way-is-essex-stars-on-twitter">Git Quota</a>: </span></div>
<div style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: small;">'Need drinks, girls? Course you do. I'm getting them. (<i>Loudly</i>) Anyway so I said to him "Mate let me remind you - you're not the only son of an oligarch in this fucking place."'</span></div>
<div style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: small;">Pause. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;">Git 3 dissolves into laughter looking around at us all to check we're giving the riposte the wild enthusiasm it deserves.</span></div>
<div style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: small;">We manage weak smiles, which seem to buy us the drink. Git 4 talks at me for a bit while Git 3 engages TF. Within moments we both develop a crippling need for the loo. </span></div>
<div style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: small;">As we depart, Git 2 warbles up, spies Unlucky Friend and smoothes back his hair:</span></div>
<div style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: small;">'Well hey, you look like you need to chill out and have some fun tonight.'</span></div>
<div style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: small;">'I have a boyfriend.'</span></div>
<div style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: small;">'Right. Yeah. Oh fuck off then. [<i>Sudden recognition</i>] And you owe me a drink.'</span></div>
</div>
Kate Masonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05226390267847332135noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3435219892621792660.post-78121118635165293252011-09-05T08:26:00.001+01:002011-09-05T08:27:21.782+01:00Not to go on about Spinning, but...<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<br />
<div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.racerxvt.com/images/content/article_photos/spinning_2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="150" src="http://www.racerxvt.com/images/content/article_photos/spinning_2.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">There is no better Spinning image than this</span></i></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small;">Regular attendees of <a href="http://kateinthecountryside.blogspot.com/2011/02/sporting-season.html">The Shouter's Spinning Class</a> know that if you arrive late, you won't make the cut. All the spaces will be taken. You'll be left outside, bike-free, with nothing more than your own motivation between you and <a href="http://imgs.abduzeedo.com/files/articles/homer-collection/Homer_Simpson_by_Makotron.jpg">slobbery</a>. </span></div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small;">Even traditionally early is not early enough. For a 7.15 start the class will be full by five past seven. One advantage of this is that if you're not really feeling up to it, you can turn up at 7.13 and tell yourself that it's not your fault that you just can't fit into the class, before returning to your <a href="http://www.haagen-dazs.com/newsletter/default.aspx">Haagen-Dazs</a>. Others are not so sanguine, and there have been aggressive scenes from those anticipating but deprived some sadomasochistic cycling.</span></div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small;">Yesterday I was there the necessary fifteen minutes beforehand, to <a href="http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=bagsy">bagsy</a> my bike with assertively placed water bottle. Despite this, I still had to satisfy myself with the dodgy one at the back by the giant speaker - all the others were already gone. Being at the back has its advantages, I consoled myself, in sheltering from The Shouter and his kind.</span></div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small;">Yesterday was different to most days. In came a woman I had never seen before. She was coming to have 'a word' with the class, she explained.</span></div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small;">'There have been complaints.'</span></div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small;">Silence, but for the whirr of the bikes. (The serious keenos missing no opportunity to warm up.)</span></div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small;">I've been away for a bit (<a href="http://kateinthecountryside.blogspot.com/2011/08/dangerous-game.html">getting concussed at netters</a>, amongst other things) so I cowered in my corner, baffled. </span></div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small;">'Is there going to be fighting every week? Or was last week a one-off? Do you really think it's acceptable to reserve bikes so that others don't have the chance to get one?'</span></div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small;">I was really starting to enjoy this now.</span></div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small;">'For all of you who don't know me, I'm The Shouter's Wife (TSW),' she explained (I assume she works there too, but she might just be over-zealous). 'I have to come and talk to you because there have been so many difficulties with this class. So many complaints from and to management. You need to agree amongst yourself whose bikes are whose.'</span></div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small;">By now, I felt like a seven-year-old <a href="http://kateinthecountryside.blogspot.com/">Kate in the Countryside</a>, sitting in front of Miss David at primary school as she explained to the yeargroup why it wasn't fair to leave Sophie out of games when she wanted to play too. But then, Sophie was a bag.</span></div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.open-tennis.com/images/worst-tennis-tantrums/image002.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://www.open-tennis.com/images/worst-tennis-tantrums/image002.jpg" width="216" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><i>McEnroe: Banned from Spin Class</i></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small;">TSW was now explaining the intricacies of <a href="http://www.thefreedictionary.com/fair+play">fair play</a>. It was acceptable, she said, to save a bike before going to the loo - 'you need to be sensible' - but not before going for a lengthy stroll. I feared the lecture would never end. I was not the only one. </span></div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small;">At last: 'Are you going to behave?'</span></div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small;">'Yes!' Shouted some errant fool, pre-emptively caught by the Spinning Room's adrenalin rush. They just love audience participation, these oldies.</span></div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small;">'Right. We'll see if you can work things out for a month. If there's any more problems, we're going to have to … do something about it.' </span></div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small;">Punchy. </span></div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small;">'Have a great lesson then you guys! Good to chat!'</span></div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small;">In walked The Shouter, looking sheepish. You could almost hear the yummy mummies in the front row thinking how much nicer they were than his wife. If he'd only notice. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
</div>
Kate Masonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05226390267847332135noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3435219892621792660.post-10869115203520314052011-09-02T14:56:00.000+01:002011-11-08T03:53:37.426+00:00Sunshine - Moonlight - Good Times<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div closure_uid_t8b98u="245" style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" closure_uid_t8b98u="225" closure_uid_u421vv="128" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Last weekend was characterised by the triumph of English Summertime plans over <a href="http://www.guardian.co.uk/uk/gallery/2011/aug/31/cold-summer-pictures">vile weather</a>. Well, almost.</span></div>
<div closure_uid_t8b98u="241" style="font-family: Helvetica; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span"><br /><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"></span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<div closure_uid_t8b98u="499">
<span class="Apple-style-span" closure_uid_u421vv="59"><span closure_uid_t8b98u="478" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">On Saturday a friendly rounders tournament had been organised on Clapham Common by the (surprisingly militant) boyfriend of my Fashion Icon friend Fi. Embarrassingly keen for any competitive sporting event, I dashed from </span><a href="http://kateinthecountryside.blogspot.com/2011/01/fight-club.html"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Old Man Squash</span></a><span closure_uid_t8b98u="370" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"> in Pimlico with my squash scalps - only to find that torrential rain had hit. </span></span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div closure_uid_t8b98u="295" closure_uid_u421vv="62">
</div>
<div closure_uid_t8b98u="295" closure_uid_u421vv="62">
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.haribo.com/planet/uk/info/main/history/img/01_haribo.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; cssfloat: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><img border="0" src="http://www.haribo.com/planet/uk/info/main/history/img/01_haribo.jpg" xaa="true" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" closure_uid_t8b98u="177" style="text-align: center;"><em><span closure_uid_t8b98u="408" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Sportsman's Diet</span> </span></em></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</div>
<div closure_uid_t8b98u="295" closure_uid_u421vv="62">
<span class="Apple-style-span" closure_uid_t8b98u="75" closure_uid_u421vv="59"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">However, </span><a href="http://www.bing.com/images/search?q=rounders+funny&view=detail&id=F4EB0FCE21A696A0661238B5BE9C2DA6423F40D5&first=0&FORM=IDFRIR"><span closure_uid_t8b98u="291" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">social rounders</span></a><span closure_uid_t8b98u="371" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"> players are hardcore and absolutely not to be deterred by rain. Or only a little deterred. Fine - we hid in <a href="http://www.windmillclapham.co.uk/">the pub</a> for two hours until Fi's boyfriend had fully 'tested the ground' by practising skidding stops in orange shorts. </span></span></div>
</div>
<div closure_uid_t8b98u="445" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; font-family: Helvetica; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span"></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"></span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<div closure_uid_u421vv="76">
<div closure_uid_t8b98u="121">
<span class="Apple-style-span" closure_uid_t8b98u="186" closure_uid_u421vv="63" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">As the rain died down we acquired sugary provisions to prep ourselves. Fi pimped me out to a team by making bold promises about my rounders skills that I knew I'd be unable to fulfil. </span></div>
</div>
</div>
<div closure_uid_u421vv="130" style="font-family: Helvetica; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span"><br /><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"></span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<div closure_uid_u421vv="78">
<div closure_uid_t8b98u="249">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" closure_uid_t8b98u="120" closure_uid_u421vv="77">In fact, my incompetence was only intensified by my enthusiasm. The same seemed true of my very enthusiastic adoptive team. We </span><span class="Apple-style-span" closure_uid_u421vv="123">didn't do very well.</span></span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"></span></div>
</div>
<div closure_uid_t8b98u="272" closure_uid_u421vv="78">
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://images.travelpod.com/users/susiewoo/7.1290731858.rosina-looking-tribal.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="133" src="http://images.travelpod.com/users/susiewoo/7.1290731858.rosina-looking-tribal.jpg" width="200" xaa="true" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" closure_uid_t8b98u="218" style="text-align: center;"><em><span closure_uid_t8b98u="405" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Fearsome Opponent</span></em></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<div closure_uid_t8b98u="296" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" closure_uid_t8b98u="187" closure_uid_u421vv="123"><span closure_uid_t8b98u="248" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">When we'd been trounced by (yet another) lot - this group resplendent in tribal headgear - my rounders career seemed over. But then, another (better) team was short of a player. With the pragmatic attitude of an </span><a href="http://anmblog.typepad.com/.a/6a00d8341c565553ef01538f690351970b-500wi"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Andy Murray</span></a><span closure_uid_t8b98u="409" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"> fan at Wimbledon, I forgot my loyalty in an instant, and switched sides.</span></span></div>
<div closure_uid_t8b98u="296" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">
<br /></div>
<div closure_uid_t8b98u="296" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">
<span class="Apple-style-span"><span closure_uid_t8b98u="297" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I'm not sure if my charlatan behaviour was rewarded or exposed by the fact that my newly-adopted team won the whole thing. The fact that we finished the tournament at all (by this time it was dark and subterfuge rewarded) was a victory of commitment over clouds. No so my team-hopping, true. I have no excuse other than ... I do like to win at sports.</span></span></div>
<div closure_uid_t8b98u="296" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">
<br /></div>
<div closure_uid_t8b98u="296" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" closure_uid_u421vv="133"><span closure_uid_t8b98u="299" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Persisting with the outdoor theme next day, I found myself in Marylebone for an al fresco feast at the house of Blondie and Mr Blondie. So bourgeois are these two that they actually have a Real Garden. No need for a fictional outdoor space there, </span><a href="http://kateinthecountryside.blogspot.com/2011/02/balconies-dogs-and-dates.html"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">as at our Pad</span></a><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">. </span></span></div>
<div closure_uid_t8b98u="296" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">
<br /></div>
<div closure_uid_t8b98u="296" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" closure_uid_t8b98u="410" closure_uid_u421vv="133" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">As we arranged brunch things in said Garden, their Aussie flatmate had us pose for natural English tea party pics [including - but not limited to - Kate + Blondie pouring tea; expressions of interest as tea is poured; advanced plate reorganisation]. When the first drops of rain started to fall moments later the patriotic embarrassment was intense. </span></div>
</div>
</div>
<div closure_uid_t8b98u="491" style="font-family: Helvetica; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<div closure_uid_t8b98u="480">
<br /></div>
<div closure_uid_t8b98u="480">
<span class="Apple-style-span" closure_uid_t8b98u="300" closure_uid_u421vv="136" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Pressing on regardless with summer-specific fun, Mr Blondie unleashed the barbeque <a href="http://halloumi.deviantart.com/art/Fire-breathing-205675055">to set fire to some halloumi</a> and an unlucky tea towel, while inside we gorged on spinach and small cakes. Separately.</span></div>
</div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span"><br /><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"></span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" closure_uid_t8b98u="234" closure_uid_u421vv="138" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Mr Blondie was to appear on Sky later probably to discuss <a href="http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/3736514/Speakers-wife-Sally-Bercow-in-Celeb-Big-Brother-talks.html">Sally Bercow</a>, on whom I suspect he has a secret, extremely well-repressed crush. He paced the room, making calls to producers and taxis and <a href="http://twitter.com/#!/kvlmason">tweeting</a> emotionally. </span><br />
<div closure_uid_t8b98u="369">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div closure_uid_u421vv="248">
<span class="Apple-style-span" closure_uid_u421vv="138"><span closure_uid_t8b98u="335" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">'What I want to know is why you never write about us in your blog?' demanded Blondie, from one side of their expansive capitalist sofa. (This is a sofa that knows nothing of </span><a closure_uid_u421vv="241" href="http://www.dfs.co.uk/"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">DFS</span></a><span closure_uid_t8b98u="443" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">. It's probably padded with dead duck.) 'Way more interesting things happen when I'm around. We went to a ball once! And look at today: I made eggs with spinach in!' </span></span></div>
</div>
<div closure_uid_t8b98u="482" style="font-family: Helvetica; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span"><br /><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"></span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: justify;">
<div closure_uid_u421vv="240">
<div closure_uid_t8b98u="444">
<span class="Apple-style-span" closure_uid_u421vv="239"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Everyone else agreed. We praised the </span><a href="http://southernfood.about.com/od/eggrecipes/r/bl30117d.htm"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">eggs</span></a><span closure_uid_t8b98u="481" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">. And then we sat in our own squalor for the rest of the day.</span></span></div>
</div>
</div>
<div align="justify" closure_uid_u421vv="79" style="text-align: justify;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
</div>Kate Masonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05226390267847332135noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3435219892621792660.post-77578352312240967852011-08-26T09:09:00.000+01:002011-08-26T09:09:22.369+01:00A Dangerous Game<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Over the summer we've been playing in a cut-throat netball league on courts near the Barbican. As I'm sure is immediately obvious to everyone currently in England, <a href="http://www.blogger.com/goog_230621979">winter is </a></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><a href="http://www.telegraph.co.uk/topics/weather/8716144/Flash-flooding-to-hit-England-today-warns-Met-office.html">on its way</a>. Our last game was to be this week. Yet Tuesday's final showdown was cancelled for a spot of rain. And who is to blame for this meteorological travesty? None other than <a href="http://kateinthecountryside.blogspot.com/">Kate in the Countryside</a>. Here's why:</span></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;"><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZvkS1kbWb4O2RNMHPFuMCMnL9eMM6VB8DKO8kZm3L2g9FSoA_xQB8c-cI1vO_iWAzB7Uleax7ZzOIatdBlbZayfpriICkRH3IPTcOwPfOu20I7_PCBUMZSBP5fcSmcD6vXpDj6Q0ODnE/s200/banana+peel.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZvkS1kbWb4O2RNMHPFuMCMnL9eMM6VB8DKO8kZm3L2g9FSoA_xQB8c-cI1vO_iWAzB7Uleax7ZzOIatdBlbZayfpriICkRH3IPTcOwPfOu20I7_PCBUMZSBP5fcSmcD6vXpDj6Q0ODnE/s200/banana+peel.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><i>Fig. 1: The Fall</i></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small;">A month ago our Netters Crew strode onto court, psyched and dangerous. Small attractively-spaced clouds dotted the skyline, but the morning's rain had long gone. With minutes to go before half time, when we had already all but routed the opposition, I dived aggressively [<i>difficult to imagine, I know</i>] to intercept the ball. Cartoon-like, I found myself sliding on a slimy patch of concrete [<i>see diagram opposite</i>], took off for a moment mid-fall, then my head slammed into the floor. </span></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;"><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.forafewmoviesmore.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/02/Bring-it-On-poster.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://www.forafewmoviesmore.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/02/Bring-it-On-poster.jpg" width="215" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Fig. 2: Our Team</span></i></td></tr>
</tbody></table><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small;">I opened my eyes in amongst a sea of hilariously good legs. The whole episode had gone from <i><a href="http://www.dan-dare.org/FreeFun/Games/CartoonsMoviesTV/TomAndJerry32.htm">Tom and Jerry</a></i> to <i>Bring It On</i> in a matter of moments. The main thing I felt, as I failed to move much, was embarrassment. A nervous-looking Netball Organiser came over to say that she'd called an ambulance. Cringe. Moments later, a biker in black leather arrived. It was then I worried that something really had happened to my brain. But no - he was just there to check I wasn't planning on dying before the ambulance made it. </span></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small;">Better Legs Than Middleton (BLT-Mids), a star player from our netball team, collected my stuff and offered to come to the hospital with me. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small;">Ambulance arrived, I was bundled into a stretcher. I remember convincing myself that it was possible that none of the netballers would see me in my luminous stretcher with biker and three-man Ambulance entourage. Disconcertingly, since I couldn't seem to speak very well, I kept being given options: 'Do you want this wheelchair? Can you walk? Can you see me? Do you want to come in the ambulance now? Do you want your friend to come? ' </span></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small;">My response - I learned later - was to keep trying to divert the Nice Ambulance Man from asking questions about me by telling BLT-Mids to explain about her own maladies:</span></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small;">e.g. 'BLT-Mids tell the guy about how you fell off your bike that time and nearly died. Go on, tell him - great story.' A</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small;">lso: 'BLT-Mids has hurt her eye! Have you told the man Mids? Maybe we can get it checked out when we get there!'</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small;">At this the (mildly alarmed) Nice Ambulance Man finally stopped humouring me: 'You do realise it's a hospital not an optician we're going to don't you? Now tell me if this hurts...'</span></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small;">At the hospital, we waited to be seen: me lolling and babbling in <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4AdAXCi30iGOaUatphUog0t8G2_VR2IFNAEyHfI3J_3Z8l3T_R_5wDqQx2Mic2WjnINUc1s3FiyfjtO79Rhw6hKqTSKNC110fj7ZVRw3VXqhHLDv9D-SWvdo4F8ct43GQlmXJISlbnOpb/s1600/DSC_0706.JPG">the world's most antiquated wheelchair</a>, BLT-Mids trying to charm the doctors into submission. This worked fairly well. We advanced as far as a preliminary cubicle near to some doctors, but unfortunately achieving this holding place seemed to have no working relationship to how soon I'd be seen. It did mean that we had the benefit of witnessing minor surgery in the rooms around us. Squarks of pain and unpleasant clipping noises were nonchalantly ignored by all. </span></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small;">Four hours later, a doctor arrived. She looked at me, asked me the same six questions that had been asked by each of the s</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small;">even nurses that had preceded her, poked me in the ear and scalp, then announced me free to go.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small;">'They never looked at your eye!' I said to BLT-Mids, disappointed, as we fled the scene.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div></div>Kate Masonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05226390267847332135noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3435219892621792660.post-5996490839397069922011-08-14T12:02:00.003+01:002011-08-14T23:32:33.124+01:00On the road to nowhere (Morocco Part III)<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.impawards.com/1942/posters/casablanca.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://www.impawards.com/1942/posters/casablanca.jpg" width="136" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Who needs Bogart anyway?</span></i></td></tr>
</tbody></table><div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">The man at the ticket office suggested a place called <a href="http://www.maplandia.com/morocco/tensift/el-kelaa/benguerir/">Benguerir</a> instead of Casablanca. Little disappointing for our silver screen dreams, but only fifty minutes away instead of <a href="http://kateinthecountryside.blogspot.com/2011/08/racisme-and-french-lessons-md-in.html">a trek longer than our flight home</a>. </span></span></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">'Is there much to do there?' MD asked hopefully.</span></span></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">The Ticket Man laughed. 'No! You stay for one hour. Then you come back.'</span></span></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">We looked at each other. It was 60 Dirhams for the two of us - about five quid - so we decided to give it a go.</span></span></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Our train was divided into carriages that had been tacked together from what appeared to be the wrecks of six or seven different trains. We found a six-seater compartment that seemed to be women only. It was hugely genteel. Second Class, where we sat, boasted air conditioning. Outside, a couple of little boys played football up and down the corridor. MD helped a lady to put her bag into the rack, unhappily cutting her finger in the process. (I only found this out later. MD - not wanting to turn her kindly gesture into a possible litigation issue - discreetly mopped the blood away.)</span></span></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">The landscape as we travelled was oddly similar to Courcheval, albeit red-brown, rather than snow-covered. Scraggy trees were dotted about and the occasional donkey, but hardly any other signs of life. MD fretted about us riding blindly into the middle of nowhere and some <a href="http://idioms.thefreedictionary.com/one-horse+town">'one-horse town'</a>, a phrase not heard since the days of the Wild West. </span></span></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small;">An hour later, we were there. Leaving the station we found: nothing. The train station was in fact a short journey from the air base, so there weren't even shiny guns to look at. The place was deserted apart from a cart-driver and his one horse. MD, chuffed about her earlier use of Wild West terminology, bought our tickets for the return journey and then went outside to hire the cart. It had gone. </span></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span></div><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.gardenvisit.com/assets/madge/jardin_majorelle_blue/600x/jardin_majorelle_blue_600x.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://www.gardenvisit.com/assets/madge/jardin_majorelle_blue/600x/jardin_majorelle_blue_600x.jpg" width="212" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Majorelle or Oundelle?</span></i></td></tr>
</tbody></table><div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">On arrival back in Marrakech, we headed to Yves Saint Laurent's garden, the <a href="http://www.jardinmajorelle.com/en/">Majorelle</a>, for a bit of shade, some cheery pottery and an ice cream. Inspired by the sunshine and (I suspect) heatstroke, MD began making suggestions for a reinterpretation of the garden back in Oundle. In particular the colourful pots. It's true, they're charming, but I fear they wouldn't stand up to English countryside <a href="http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/in_pictures/6275725.stm">climate</a>.</span></span></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Making the compulsory scoot round Yves' gift shop, it felt as though we'd wandered into the <a href="http://foreignerinmilano.files.wordpress.com/2008/10/armani.jpg">Armani store in Milan</a> in boardshorts. The shop assistants tittered dismissively when we asked how much something cost and, when I dared to pick an artefact up with my <i>hand</i>, one came up to stand so close behind me that I could hear him breathing. I smiled at him, flung the little wallet casually back amongst its fellows - completely destroying the clean lines of the display - and accidentally trod on his foot as I withdrew to reorganise their soap presentation. MD, for her part, snuck up behind him to stand in his way as he retreated, causing another completely accidental collision.</span></span></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Having satisfied our anarchic urges, we left - not even shutting the door behind us</span></span>.</div></div>Kate Masonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05226390267847332135noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3435219892621792660.post-32813176896147668872011-08-12T15:04:00.000+01:002011-08-12T15:04:17.593+01:00Racisme and French Lessons (MD in Morocco II)<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Yesterday we went on a ramble round Marrakech to hunt out the train station. We'd been told it was 90 minutes by rail to Casablanca, so thought this would be an entertaining trip. </span></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;"><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh5H-NdWhnEgYKSq6hNr9mEZrq4Qalxxxb6mNYjqeujzBk0yC5vc_-RtysCAFxCn-T27_OZJ-cTn7QjNFSVUKxR16QKDfMdoPR5DffAJ1oIOAfa9hqIqdYosxykXSE0KRCjQPRJE_gvp5c/s1600/French+Cat.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh5H-NdWhnEgYKSq6hNr9mEZrq4Qalxxxb6mNYjqeujzBk0yC5vc_-RtysCAFxCn-T27_OZJ-cTn7QjNFSVUKxR16QKDfMdoPR5DffAJ1oIOAfa9hqIqdYosxykXSE0KRCjQPRJE_gvp5c/s200/French+Cat.png" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Extent of my French skills</span></i></td></tr>
</tbody></table><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">What we found instead was the bus station, though it was many minutes before we realised our mistake. As is their wont, when we entered the mysterious station, a number of burly-ish, drunk-ish Moroccan men started hassling us. My <a href="http://www.bbc.co.uk/schools/gcsebitesize/french/examskills/3speakingconversationrev2.shtml">GCSE</a> French gets rustier by the hour and MD (though <a href="http://kateinthecountryside.blogspot.com/2011/08/mother-dearest-in-morocco.html">a dab hand with cockroaches</a>) is similarly limited on the Gallic front. You'll be amazed to learn she can't even speak Arabic. </span></span></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">'<i>TRAIN</i>?' we bellowed to them, in a French accent, hoping to achieve some understanding. </span></span></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Nothing.</span></span></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">So we ignored the <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zjz16xjeBAA">madding crowd</a> and decided to explore the station - trying to make sense of it ourselves. We found something that went to Casablanca, though this confusingly appeared to be a bus.</span></span></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">A small quite sweet chap came over and addressed us in English:</span></span></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">'You want bus to Casablanca? Number 5. Here.'</span></span></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">At this, we understood where we'd gone wrong. But by now the burly crowd was upon us. One in particular was waving and aggressing with fists and face: 'You want ticket from him now? Not me? [<i>Thrusting ticket book at us</i>] I have ticket!'</span></span></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">MD looks fairly put out. Enough to make most sensible beings scuttle away in fright, but not Bolshy Bus Man, Oh no.</span></span></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">'See! [A<i>gain with the ticket thrusting in face thing</i>] Ticket! You! You RACISTE!'</span></span></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">'Excuse me?' [<i>From MD. Kate cowers. A passing bug flees in opposite direction.</i>]</span></span></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">'Raciste! Raciste! Raciste!'</span></span></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">At this point it looked a little as though MD was considering whether to punch BBM in the face or depart. I stood back aghast, mumbling mildly rude things at the man under my breath ('No fat man - <i>YOU</i> raciste' etc).</span></span></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">But, taking the higher moral ground, MD turned her back and walked away, me at her side. BBM proved a surprisingly persistent persecutor of 'racisme' in tourist form, but he wasn't great at <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDpTUe1mq8bem1Nkcfm4yCYl6cKWoNSWlT0L_EzVQNOwy33P5G1g2nJxw4xZjOU0kzpx1baIHdujCNZDGbcQfQpnXSF_XhNuuH6XKPUmfl3xZsZWisNJyy05D90Hs4d9NWUl3UHHRlxVgS/s400/fat_guy.jpg">keeping up with us</a> in the sunshine. We headed for the nearest taxi, and finally made it to the Train Station.</span></span></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Turns out <a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0034583/">Casablanca</a> is actually a six hour round trip. We ended up on an hour long jaunt to an air base instead. Of which more later.</span></span></div></div>Kate Masonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05226390267847332135noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3435219892621792660.post-53080385631913477692011-08-11T00:14:00.001+01:002011-08-11T16:49:26.805+01:00Mother Dearest in Morocco<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">To Morocco with MD this week. A chance to observe her in an alien habitat (away from <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oundle">Oundle</a> and <a href="http://kateinthecountryside.blogspot.com/2010/11/suffering-from-cuts.html">The Countryside</a>), it has already been an inspiring sight.</span></span></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></span></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">It was five minutes into the Departures area at Heathrow Terminal 1 when I remembered that MD-on-Holiday is a different creature to the one <a href="http://kateinthecountryside.blogspot.com/2011/01/escape-to-countryside-festive-episode.html">familiar to readers of Kate in the Countryside</a>. </span></span></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></span></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">We walked past Curry's (looting activity limited thanks to airport security).</span></span></div><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.freeipadwallpaper.net/ipadwallpaper/2010/150/bad_teacher_ver2_xlg.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://www.freeipadwallpaper.net/ipadwallpaper/2010/150/bad_teacher_ver2_xlg.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">She's got one (probably)</span></i></td></tr>
</tbody></table><div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">'I really need a laptop,' she observed, 'or something to carry around anyway - all I've got is that monster desktop thing.'</span></span></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">'How about an <a href="http://technews.blog.olemiss.edu/2011/07/13/the-ipad-2-the-next-best-thing-since-sliced-bread/">iPad 2</a>?' I mooted, without much commitment. Technology and MD usually spend most of their time fighting.</span></span></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">'Are they good then?' she asked, stopping to look at a <a href="http://style.catalogs.com/ipad%20case.JPG">particularly shiny one</a>.</span></span></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">'Yes! So much fun - and think how cool you'd look clutching one of those under your arm at school.' [<i>MD is a teacher. A good teacher. Ignore the picture.</i>] </span></span></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">'OK. I think I'll get one. If you think it's a good idea?'</span></span></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></span></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Amazed, I fell silent as MD proceeded to checkout, completing her purchase in thirty casual seconds, before scurrying out looking as though she might have done something rather daring. </span></span></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></span></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">MD is someone who would normally <a href="http://kateinthecountryside.blogspot.com/2010/10/dog-with-no-name.html">rather eat Dogface</a> [our dog] than listen to my opinions on which type of ham to buy from the Co-op, let alone be advised on the purchase of a frivolous piece of gadgetry.</span></span></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></span></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">It didn't stop there. Since our arrival in Morocco, she has killed four mighty cockroaches with her flip-flop of doom, haggled some poor bloke in the <a href="http://www.virtualtourist.com/travel/Africa/Morocco/Wilaya_de_Marrakech/Marrakesh-2111278/General_Tips-Marrakesh-Djamaa_El_Fna_Square-BR-1.html">Djemaa el-Fna</a> half to death for suntan lotion and - most impressively - learnt to use said iPad with such ease that she's now conducting witty exchanges from beside the pool, and plans to graduate to Facetime tomorrow.</span></span></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></span></div><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.greengiant.com/assets/images/os-media-green-giant.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="280" src="http://www.greengiant.com/assets/images/os-media-green-giant.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><i>MD?</i></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table><div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Yesterday we took a bus into the centre of Marrakech. As we loitered, waiting to get on, the bus driver looked as though he was tempted to pull off. No chance with MD the roach-splatter about. She dived forward and bashed relentlessly on his window while he looked on in awe. He won't be doing that again, I can tell you.</span></span></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></span></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">For my part, I have befriended a cat (largely in hopes that he will eat the squashed cockroaches with which MD has littered the room) and spent much of the rest of the time cowering from beasts behind MD's mighty frame. Incidentally, she recently revealed that she has now achieved the dizzy heights of 5 foot 1, leaving her (as far as I can tell real size) of 5ft for dust. </span></span></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></span></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 18px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Forget <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Green_Giant">Green Giant</a> dear reader. What you need is couscous.</span></span> </div></div>Kate Masonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05226390267847332135noreply@blogger.com4