This episode sees Kate and BOF ensconced in the flat of Pretty Neighbour (PN), having established that Dan (‘the competition’) is not of boyfriend persuasion, and that he has moved out. We have learned Other Neighbour's name (Daisy) but PN's remains elusive.
Prepare yourself for a display of miraculous cunning.
Suddenly, PN's front door opens. 'Daisy's home,' PN explains. ‘Daisy! Hey! Kate and BOF came over because their water's not working next door! And look [running tap] - nothing here either!'
'Oh no! I was going to have a bath. Thanks so much for letting us know guys,' Daisy says, little suspecting our ulterior motive. (Probably.) ‘Good day hun? [to PN].'
['Hun'? Oh great. What good was that to us? (Unless 'Hun' is her name - in which case very good. But it seemed unlikely.)]
We chatted in their kitchen for ten minutes, outstaying our welcome, telling endless stories that included one another's names in the hope that we would spark something similar from them. Yet still nothing.
|Fearful prospect: a Residents Meeting|
It was getting to the point when I thought we’d actually have to go to one of those residents meetings to resolve the Nameless Flatmate Issue, when I had a brainwave.
‘Hey, do you want to see our Pad? Now we’ve had the tour here I mean.'
PN (ever enthusiastic): 'Yeah! that'd be great.'
We traipsed next door to find Bofles and Max a little neglected, discussing water mains like old folk.
'Bofles, Max - meet our neighbours!'
'Hi, I'm Daisy.'
I will leave you to imagine the feelings of delight and achievement this moment produced. Not only did PN’s name imply exactly the sort of fragile drama school type that BOF so loves, but Tallulah's introduction also meant we wouldn’t have to brave a residents meeting. It was as much as we could do to keep our highfiving imagined.
And there was better to come. Soon we were all discussing the building’s problem with damp and 'our local' like characters from Eastenders.
The parting triumph was BOF's alone. ‘Guys, I'm so sorry we couldn't offer you tea,' he remarked gallantly. 'Perhaps another day, when the water's back on? Perhaps next weekend?'
'A deal,' Tallulah and Daisy agreed. 'Also if you know of anyone looking for a place to live - we've got a spare room now Dan’s left.'
‘Max is!’ I volunteered excitedly, thinking it might be a little transparent to suggest BOF.
'OK, great well speak to you soon.'
And they left.
You know that scene in Notting Hill when Hugh Grant the hopeless-bookshop-owner leaves his friends' house with Julia Roberts the film star character and his friends all celebrate? It was like that.
Bofles looked on perplexed and Max, fearful of being pimped out to two women he didn't know (no matter how pretty), fled.